The Reward is the Journey

Earlier this week I was reminded of the power of minds meeting. I believe very strongly, that there is something enormously powerful about people sitting together in a room.  Much of my week tends to be spent, sitting with one or more other people, talking, and hopefully thinking together.  There is something magical that can happen when minds meet other minds.  Regardless of the number, the sum is somehow greater than its parts. I had prepared for the agenda, but could not have anticipated what the meeting would bring.  The energy and dynamism had little to do with the caffeine and sugar which were available on the boardroom table between us.  A group of individuals, brought together by a common purpose, and a shared aspiration, breathes potential. And that's what happened.  Abstract concepts may be suddenly brought alive and into reality.  Individual ideas can become shared perceptions.  Differing opinions can be worked through, and explo...

"Civilisation is the progress toward a society of privacy.  Civilisation is the process of setting man free from men."  Ayn Rand (Russian born American writer 1905-82) A recent meeting with a mother of 3 children whose circumstances have propelled her and her family into the public consciousness prompted me to consider anonymity and our relationship with it. Anonymity, Privacy and Confidentiality are all themes I necessarily encounter on a regular basis in the course of my work, and yet somehow, they were brought to life more vividly than usual, standing in a busy mainline railway station on a weekday morning meeting a woman whose journey has clearly touched many more hearts than mine. During the course of a 90 minute meeting, we were interrupted several times, and throughout the course of our discussions I was conscious of a sense of being somehow more visible than usual.  My feeling conspicuous grew and left an impression that has remained with me - what do we ...

Sitting in a crowded carriage during rush hour on the Northern Line recently, I discovered that alongside my fellow passengers I was in the company of a fly.  Unusual and unexpected.  I'm not sure I've seen any on the tube before and it caused me to think about how it would have found its way down through the halls and tunnels and in through one of the doors, or inbetween-carriage windows.  I thought of how that single solitary fly represented a phenomenon most of us can relate to:  finding oneself to be in an unfamiliar and possibly uncomfortable environment.  For the fly, it struck me that the underground would comprise an incredibly hostile and alien landscape from which it might not possess the resources to escape.  In any case, chances are, it would have been transported to a quite different destination to its point of departure. Thoughts led to thoughts, and before I knew it, I was faced with a great many questions about flies' socialisation......

I enjoy practising yoga and have attended classes taught by teachers with different approaches.  A little like therapy, sometimes it takes a while to find a 'fit' and that fit can alter over time, and with changes in our circumstances. My current teacher encourages and supports me to challenge myself, and regularly introduces balance postures into our practice.  I find these poses give me a great opportunity to put recovery principles into practice, and was reminded of this whilst experimenting with the 'crow' recently...   "Poise and power are inseparably associated.  The calm and balanced mind is the strong and great mind; the hurried and agitated mind is the weak one." Wallace D. Wattles (1860-1911, American author) The 'secret' is in the foundations.  Strong foundations predict better outcomes.  This is as true in recovery as it is on a yoga mat: Finding the 'right' yoga class is essential.  I know I get more from my practice ...

In no particular order:  Sore throat.  Interrupted sleep.  Headache.  Snuffle.  More tissues than usual were used by clients this week.  Not very many tears were shed, which usually means there are a few bugs doing the rounds.  Perhaps I caught it whilst at work.  Perhaps not.  Sometimes causes are less important than cures, or at least management. "Sickness shows us what we are" - Latin proverb Early night.  Rest.  Echinacea.  Plentiful fluids.  Vitamin C and Zinc. I have learnt to respect my body enough to listen to the early warning signs, and take heed.  Denial only makes matters worse.  Sometimes we need reminding to slow down, and occasionally we are required to stop.  A bit like driving; there are more regular 'Give Way' signs than there are 'Stop'.  Noticing our own internal speed limit is important, for the penalties for exceeding them can be high. 

Seeing Alicia Keys perform live at the Royal Albert Hall was definitely a highlight of my week. I could hardly believe it when she said her tour marked the 10th anniversary of the release of her debut album.  10 years, really?  She's sold 12 million copies of Songs in A Minor since then and one of those was mine. Monday night's show was well worth the wait and the majestic surroundings of the Albert Hall provided the perfect setting for this diva whose work I have always admired and continue to enjoy.  Sitting at beautiful grand piano whose lid remained closed, her performance did not disappoint.  Surrounded by tall candleabras, Alicia was alone on stage, but needed no backing vocals.  We were captivated.  She performed for more than 90 minutes, her contralto voice throughout was simply awesome. Announcing that she was in a "London state of mind", the whole house leapt to their feet for a tremendously emotional and hugely celebratory ...

"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."  Henry James, The Portrait of a Lady Taking time to 'take tea' with a dear friend recently was a real treat... I drink very little caffeine, but there is nothing like a decent cuppa, particularly when enjoyed from a beautiful cup (with matching saucer). We took our time to savour the sandwiches and, by so doing, had a far richer experience:  The smell was more inviting.  The taste, I would suggest, was more intense, as flavours and textures were given fuller awareness.  Delicate sandwiches (without crusts) proved delicious.  Bite sized was just-right sized.  The scones melted in our mouths, because we let them.  "If you are cold, tea will warm you.  If you are too heated, it will cool you.  If you are depressed, it will cheer you.  If you are excited, it will calm you." Gladstone, 1865 Watching movies with the same fr...

Walking down a busy London high street yesterday I noticed a small crowd forming beside a pedestrian crossing that didn't appear to move when the lights changed and the traffic gave way.  A sad scene was revealed, a lady was lying motionless on the pavement, surrounded by an army of onlookers.  Strangers behaving strangely, I thought.  What is it about an accident that causes us to stop and stare?  What is that compulsion we feel, to find out what's happened, whilst contributing nothing to what might happen next?  In America, the term 'rubbernecking' has been coined to describe motorists who slow down as they pass the scene of a recent road traffic accident to observe its aftermath.  It is part of human nature to become curious at the sight of something extreme or unusual, which explains some aspects of rubbernecking.  Tourists viewing the sites of a large city for the first time often spend most of their time rubbernecking, because they are c...

I wonder whether the truth is a single entity, whereas the number of realities may be infinite...? Conflict can ensue when one person seeks to assert their reality over another’s.   Disagreement is common, as to versions of the ‘truth’.   There is something comforting to find a common ‘truth’, but perhaps great beauty lies in the complexity of reality.   Recovery is often associated with finding our ‘truth’ and becoming comfortable with our ‘true self’ – so deceptively simple sounding.   Uncovering who we might be, or might like to be represents a challenging and often frightening prospect: after all, it is often this very person we have avoided for so long, and sought to escape in the most radical ways possible.   I like to think more in terms of aspiring towards our highest selves and our limitless potential.   It implies a less finite, gradual and ongoing process of continual growth, as we emerge, like the lotus flower out of muddy waters.  

Sometimes it takes a moment out of the frenzied, chatter of our minds, to realise that we are not, in fact, doing as well as we might be. Stress is a common predictor of relapse.   We carry stress in our bodies, but tend to filter out the experience through our powerful minds, that tell us we’re doing fine.   Which we are.   Until we’re not.     Recently, taking a break away from my usual surroundings, and ordinary routine which, whilst varied is more or less predictable and involves a lot of rushing around the urban landscape, proved to be a timely reminder of how my body, just like my car, requires maintenance.   Becoming better attuned to our bodies is an important component of recovery:   for this is where the warning signals first occur.   It varies between individuals, and different people may have different ‘stress signatures’ but these could include lethargy, headaches, digestive troubles, sleeping too much or too little.   All too...

Driving around, trying to listen to my intuition in a foreign country, in an unfamiliar car, on the wrong side of the road, without a comprehensive map and no command of the language raised a few concerns when we had been searching the same stretch of road for what seemed like a while. Something inside told me that we were closer than we thought, and we must have passed the same group of men working on the short stretch of road 3 times in one direction, and twice travelling in the other.   They had no idea where we were bound, what we were looking for, and did not speak English. We attempted to approach from the highway from either direction, to no avail.   The directions didn’t speak to us, and we were left with little more than our instincts, which by this time, were pretty drained.  Our spirits were lifted having identified the right junction, the right road but which direction.   My handwritten notes, enthusiastically scribbled when it all seemed so straightforward a...

I have been thinking about boredom.  In the therapy room, boredom is usually anything but boring.  I find it fascinating, and yet I have struggled to make much sense of this overused word which crops up from time to time, and whose significance is easy to underestimate, or miss. Psychoanalytical literature has numerous scattered references to an analyst's experience of boredom, highlighting this widespread phenomenon and suggesting that the experience of boredom in analysis may be a reaction to an encounter with a hidden, possibly encapsulated part of the psyche, a bidimensional area of experience in which mental activity has been suspended, and where experience remains meaningless. Intriguing a proposition as this might be, I wonder whether boredom might also constitute an experiential expression of despair, a re-living of primitive object relations with an emotionally non-existent primary object.  Through bringing the emptiness and desolation into analysis, the ...