The Reward is the Journey

My week with Marilyn may well turn out to be my favourite film of 2011, and I've seen some all time greats this year.  Michelle Williams' portrayal of the tragic heroine, worshipped and adored but bitterly unhappy and desperately lonely was brilliantly masterful.  I was mesmerised, captivated and transported to the Pinewood Studios and onto the set of Olivier's film The Prince and the Showgirl . 99 minutes passed very quickly, and I found myself pausing to consider for a moment the principal character's pain borne of her double life.  Only hinted at in the screenplay, Marilyn's childhood was anything but glamorous. Born to a film technician herself afflicted by mental illness, Norma Jean grew up not knowing her father's identity. She was placed in a series of twelve foster homes, and once in an orphanage. Marrying at 16 represented her escape from the care system, and her career took off as a result of some promotional photographs that were taken at the fact...

I've been thinking a lot about mindbody or bodymind.  Someone recently asked me what it was that I envisaged holistic treatment to comprise, and I couldn't quite encapsulate my sense of the term as succinctly as I'd like to.  Sometimes, when I leave something to land, the answer emerges organically, and this week provided a timely reminder of that tendency.  For me, therapy happens in all sorts of ways.  There are therapeutic benefits to a huge variety of activities or pastimes; it is less important what we do to look after ourselves, far more important is whether we remember to make time to do them.  Whilst I spend much of my working week sitting in a therapy room with individuals, couples or families, I appreciate and respect that talking therapy is but one of many ways to address the challenges we face in our lives. I consider it important, if not vital, that I have my own therapy.  Whilst not all trainings now require it of those seeking to become th...

It's that time of year again.  For some, the 'holiday season' is anything but a holiday.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  For those of us in recovery it is often a period during which extra vigilance is called for, and heightened self care essential. The forthcoming festivities can be challenging regardless for those addressing addiction issues, and unaffected 'civilians' alike.  The advertisements conjure up images of happy families in comfortable, warm homes wanting for nothing.  Everyone is having a wonderful time, and interactions are graceful and joyous.  This isn't a reality many of us can relate to easily. Financial strains are exacerbated by the pressure to purchase, and the emotional barometer can rise seemingly inexplicably as we operate against a background of expectations, both conscious and unconscious.  I like the definition of expectations as premeditated resentments, or scheduled disappointments.  From this view, they resemble so...

Sitting in the reception of a secondary school recently, I was taken back to my own schooldays and reminded of the uniform regulations and their enforcement.  I wore uniform from the day I started at primary school to the day I finished my A Levels.  There was something comfortable about not having to decide what to wear each day, yet a distinct liberation in changing out of school uniform after the school day had finished.  "When you put on a uniform there are certain inhibitions that you accept".   David Dwight Eisenhower (34th US President 1953-61) Uniform impacts very significantly on our sense of identity.  Wearing something we have not designed, and often not been consulted about, communicates something powerful - representing implicit compliance, and a sign of our belonging to something larger than ourselves.  It is a truth universally acknowledged that some uniforms are more attractive than others.  Some, it would a...

Last week was unusual.  I don't usually make it to North Greenwich, or more specifically, the 02 Arena, twice in 6 days.  Rihanna's performance on Monday, when it finally began (she was due on stage at 9pm but did not in fact appear until 9.40pm despite an enthusiastic crowd whose attempts to entice her on earlier were impressive in their tireless creativity) was average.  I'd not seen her live before and am not sure I'd rush to book tickets for a future gig.  She was, I thought, rather half hearted about her performance which represents the halfway mark of her UK and Ireland tour.  Sitting pretty:  in less than six years Rihanna has sold over 15 million albums and over 45 million singles Her videos have generated over a billion views on youtube The ATP World Tour by contrast did not disappoint.  In fact, I'd confess that it easily exceeded my expectations.  The 02 makes the perfect venue for indoor tennis.  The doubles con...

I was pleased to be invited to contribute to Petrie Hoskyn's show on Sunday afternoon in which she was reviewing an article from last weekend's Observer which had been talking about high functioning alcoholics. LBC 97.3FM: Petrie Hoskyn's page I took the opportunity to think some more about the many functioning addicts and alcoholics I have come to know, both personally and professionally.  Functioning addicts look, after all, very much like you and I.  They continue to function and, as Petrie and I were discussing, they often function very well.  In most areas of their life.  But appearances can be deceiving.  To maintain such an appearance consumes a devastating amount of energy.  Which is usually what prompts such an individual to seek help.  It all works very well, until it doesn't.  The article highlighted the prevalence of alcohol misuse and dependence amongst professionals, particularly doctors and lawyers.  The medical ...

I have upped my pool sessions this week, and found my mind pondering an insight mid-swim I thought might be equally applicable on dry land (and anywhere else, for that matter).  Ploughing up and down my lane, it dawned on me that there is perhaps truth that discipline pays dividends, and that sometimes short term pleasure is best placed on hold, in favour of long term gain.  I swim, on average, 3k on most trips to the pool which is, by most people's standards, a moderate distance.  My only enemies are fatigue and lane invaders.  Breathing is my solution to both problems. Getting into a steady rhythm is absolutely essential if I am to enjoy any time spent in the water.  What I discovered one afternoon this week was the joy of semi solitary swimming, with undisturbed water and only ripples emanating from the lanes of my fellow pool dwellers.  It was in these conditions that the scene was set for a lesson whose importance I later came to fully understand:...

Discussing intuition with some colleagues who share my interest in the neuroscience of the therapeutic encounter proved to be a good way to spend part of my weekend.  We arrived at a definition whose novelty left a lasting impression and caused me to ponder a while longer - is intuition any more than a summing up of past experience. "Intuition is the clear comprehension of the whole at once." Johann Kaspar Lavater  (Swiss Theologian, 1741-1801) " Intuition is the supra-logic that cuts out all the routine processes of thought and leaps straight from the problem to the answer."  Robert Graves (English poet, 1895-1985)   in·tu·i·tion [in-too-ish-uh'n] noun Immediate knowledge arrived at without inference or the use of conscious reason.  Intuition provides us with beliefs that we cannot necessarily justify. Origins:  from the Latin word 'intueri', which is often roughly translated as meaning 'to look inside' or 'to contemplate'. ...

I have been offered an opportunity to become involved with a new venture involving the application of my skills and experience in a new and different context:  Change Management. "Because things are the way they are, things will not stay as they are." Bertolt Brecht   Whilst exploring the possibility, it occurred to me that the essence might concern managing attitude to change, rather than change itself.  Things change all the time.  There are those things we have a degree of control over, and there are the many we do not.  Of those we do, we may only be able to moderate certain aspects.  I am interested to test my hypothesis that self management lies at the heart of any wider change, and that this might be improved via attitudinal shift.    "Change before you have to." Jack Welch The key to any movement within an attitude held either personally, or more widely, is open mindedness.  The degree to which change is realistic is dictated ...

 The ventromedial prefrontal cortex  "Emotions have taught mankind to reason."  Marquis De Vauvenargues Until recently, I was suffering under the (perhaps common) misapprehension that emotions and logic occupy two very separate domains.  The Human Brain Colouring Book highlighted my error, as the anatomical region for deductive logic is in fact the site of some of our most implicit human responses. The right ventromedial prefrontal cortex houses the part of our brain associated with the regulation of the interaction between cognition and affect in the production of empathic responses.  There is also evidence that hedonic, or pleasure responses emanate from this area of our grey matter, which seems to be of central significance to our capacity to assess whether we like or dislike something, a key role in the construction one's self.  It is here that we store our 'somatic markers' - emotional associations, or associations between mental objects and visc...

The weather has, it seems, finally caught up with the date.  It's got colder.  We're in November, after all.  This time of year holds a very special appeal and evokes a plethora of memories, bringing to mind previous transitions as the nights draw in faster.  Walking through the fallen leaves caused me to think that whilst Spring is the season most strongly associated with change, there is nothing stopping any of us shedding things we no longer want, or need, at any time of the year.  "Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower."  Albert Camus "Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all."   Stanley Horowitz

Swiftly adding up my daily coffee, lunch, 'quickly-pop into the second-hand bookshop' tally one afternoon earlier this week, it occurred to me that such a total might represent what it cost to be me that day.  It is quite unlikely that anyone else spent the exact amount of money on exactly the same purchases.  How we spend our money reflects something about ourselves, and speaks of our character, personality, priorities, and identity.  It later dawned on me that we make countless decisions each and every day that 'cost' us something.  With any choice comes a loss, though we might not explicitly conceive of it in these terms.  "First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do."  Epictetus What have the decisions you have made today cost you?  What did they entail today?  What might they entail tomorrow, and looking ahead?  Being 'ourself' whomsoever that might be, entails a cost.  We are constantly shaping oursel...

Working with couples is something of a passion for me.   Even when there’s no passion any more.   In fact, that’s when they’re most likely to turn up.   Working with more than one person in the room is always a challenge.   But the rewards can be very high.   For everyone sitting in a chair.   Moving forwards does not, for every couple, mean staying together, and rebuilding their relationship.   I have been privy to some very hard decisions and a great many tears have been shed in the room whilst clients have together acknowledged that a relationship has come to the end of the road.   But taking these steps with each other has made the difference.   Whilst, with insight, the relationship cannot continue as it has been, vitally something shifts to enable something to emerge where respect is possible.     When working with couples, and families, it is imperative that I take risks.   Staying within my own comfort zone is unl...