The Reward is the Journey

Birthdays are important.  Mine included.  Tho' it falls precariously between Christmas and New Year in recent years I have thrown caution to the wind and marked this thing called the ageing process on or close to the day itself trusting that whomsoever should be there will be there. And so it was this year...  I celebrated my birthday amongst family and friends.  It was a lovely evening during which we shared good food, yummy cakes, and laughter.  Sitting around a large oval table were 18 very important people, each of whom has played a significant part in making the last year a special one. When seeking to gather a group for such a purpose, one must be wise to the fact that life happens and plans change:  I was not to know exactly how many people would be attending until the day, and that was fine.  There are things that merit worrying about.  This was never to be one of them.  For things, I have found, more often than not, work ...

And the day finally arrived.  We had been to meet them the day before, but there could be no preparation for the feelings that followed.  Anticipation.  Excitement.  Nausea.  Impulse buys are strange things.  They can go one of two ways.  Time will tell.   There was a concentrated atmosphere around the hall.  An unconcealed competition.  A rivalry.  It felt risky.  Edgy.  Unnerving. I could hear the adrenaline building.  Slowly, but surely.  As the lot numbers increased, and we approached.  My luck was in.  I had only a commission bid to contend with.  And then it was over.  I held up my paddle:  479. I won!  I won!  I will take delivery of the piano that is new to me in the new year.   Life is like a piano.   What you get out of it depends on how you play it. Tom Lehrer

Time is a strange thing.  We know how long a minute is, and how many minutes are in an hour, and how many hours make up a day, and yet a moment is so intangible.  Time is but a series of moments.  And moments pass at different speeds.  This year feels in some ways to have flown by.  And yet, when I survey it as I have done recently, I can acknowledge how much has happened.  How much has been achieved, and how much growth has occurred.  I wanted to be present with myself and to mark the day in a way that felt right for me, right now.  My feelings showed me the way and guided me as I allowed more moments to unfold, and to envelop and hold me.  I felt peaceful with the reality that it was a whole year ago that we finally said goodbye.  It was a long goodbye and, in many ways, it was last year that I was faced with the biggest loss:  the gap between the mother had known, and the woman I went to visit in those final months. ...