The Reward is the Journey

Benign characters are those very special individuals we meet along our way who make sure we get to where we think we’re headed, or point out to us that a different way might in fact be better.   They are the people who ensure that the reward really is the journey. be.nign [bih-nahyn] adjective 1.  having a kindly disposition; gracious: a benign king. 2.  showing or expressive of gentleness or kindness:  a benign smile. 3.  favourable; propitious:  a series of benign omens and configurations in the heavens. 4.  (of weather) salubrious; healthful; pleasant or beneficial. 5.  Pathology : not malignant; self-limiting.  I have been fortunate and feel blessed having come into contact with a great many wise travellers who at critical times have held me, guided me, and supported me in my journey.   Some of them have helped me when I’ve encountered cross roads, and dead ends along the way.   A great many of them have been more i...

If ever I needed a fix of something out of this world it was this week.  I was lucky enough to get tickets at very short notice to see one of Cirque du Soleil's 23 current shows touring the globe: La Nouba.  It exceeded any expectations I might unknowingly have taken with me into the auditorium.  From the opening scene I was gripped.  Sitting on the edge of my seat, motionless, holding my breath watching in awe and amazement the spectacle that I was met by.  The show really was breathtaking.  Watching men fly through the air, between trapeze, and later juggling impossible numbers of different shaped objects, witnessing people jump higher on a trampoline than I thought possible, in order to perform precision flips and twists whilst airborne!  The entertainment is a feast for all with high wires, BMX bikes, Chinese diabolo sequences and skipping ropes used in ways you couldn't imagine without having seen this show.  The stunning choreography...

I heard this recently, and it resonated so I wanted to share it:     Today I will make a difference... I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful.  I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. T oday I will make a difference... I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. ...

Gandhi is said to have said that there are two types of people, those who get on and do what needs to be done, and those who claim the credit for the action.   He apparently went on to say that he’d much rather be amongst the former category, whose membership is far less competitive.   I like to think of myself as a ‘do-er’, and I’m not always that good at taking the credit for things I achieve.   To date, I have failed to attend two of my graduation ceremonies.   At the time, they didn’t feel that important.   Looking back, I think they were probably more important than I realised.   I could, if I wished, probably collect my qualifications retrospectively, but the moment has gone.   I’ve moved on, and into pastures new, and onto new pursuits.   My colleagues have done the same, and I have allowed an opportunity to pass me by – a shared experience was missed.   In other respects, I keep much of my work pretty quiet.   This was...

  I was thinking recently about the passage of time and its momentum.   How long is a minute, or an hour, or a day?   We know these only in relative measurements: a minute as being 60 seconds, an hour being 60 minutes and a day being 24 hours; but what defines time?   We use clocks to tell the time, but we refer to time as ‘flying’ or ‘dragging’, descriptions which are, it would seem, context and emotionally dependent. ‘Time flies when you’re having fun’ is a commonly used expression the meaning of which we’ve come to comprehend, but underlying it is a sense of our grasping on to having things the way we would like them.   When we’re enjoying something, we want it to last longer, if not forever.   Working with individuals who have experienced depression, I am regularly reminded of our attachment to good moods and mind states.   Perhaps our trouble is not our natural and inevitable mood fluctuation, but our desire that things be other than they are,...

Someone asked me what qualities I thought a therapist ought to possess.  At the time, the question took me by surprise as I wasn't expecting it.  Having had some time to reflect I began to think back to the first few years of my training, and of Rogers' core conditions:  unconditional positive regard, empathy and congruence.  These are all clearly important, but I'm not sure they comprise exactly what the individual who asked me would be looking to discover. There are many things that I have learnt about therapy that I will almost certainly never find in a textbook.  These include the subtle, but significant difference between empathy and sensitivity, and the miles between listening and hearing.  As a therapist, I believe that pragmatism is practically essential, and that I wouldn't get very far were it not for a healthy dose of humility that I embody in the room with my clients.  The temperature at which I meet a f...

I paused for a moment to consider what on earth the phrase meant...  I struck a blank. I don't have children myself, but understand that parents most likely to breathe a sigh of relief to have their offspring described in these terms.  What is it that we are expected to adjust to?   What do we become when we adjust? Phrases such as this intrigue and irritate me in equal measure.  So frequently used in common parlance, their true meaning becomes so obscure that it would be easy to slide over its usage and fail to consider the implications. So, what becomes of those of us who might never be esteemed in this way? Do we have any choice, but to adjust, and to do so well? My inner rebel is shrieking, and then placidly sighing.  This adjective carries with it connotations of compliance for, to adjust, one must be doing so in relation to some standard or expectation, the achievement of which would therefore render one free of any symptom which would indicate s...

"When you stop existing and you start truly living, each moment of the day comes alive with the wonder and synchronicity."   Steve Maraboli (Speaker, Author, Philanthropist)   Much of my life has been about saying 'yes'.  Recently, I've been reminded of this in different ways.  Telling my story, or running through my CV illustrates this, but so too do those little things that could, quite easily, simply pass me by were I not to notice them.  By bringing awareness to those precious moments, those chance encounters, the things that turn the corners of my mouth into a smile, I remember how everything I do is all part of a bigger picture, the composition of which I have yet to know.  The other day I struck up a conversation with someone who works in an independent business in my neighbourhood.  I have just gone in for what I wanted, and walked out when I had it, but something prompted me to speak to the lady who served me, and what a profitable conversat...