The Reward is the Journey

'The Descendants' moved me.  And not only to want to book a vacation in Hawaii, tempting though that seems right now as we plunge into another cold snap just when it looked like spring was on the way.  The performances and script complemented eachother beautifully, and the casting was the cherry on the top of an already promising sundae.  It's the type of film that will maybe take a few days to settle.  I hadn't seen the trailer, or read a review, and there are several other pictures out now that were higher on my list, yet it appealed this weekend. I adore the cinema.  I love going to the cinema.  Particularly if its an Everyman, Picture House or Curzon.  In chronological order, the highlights of my trips to the cinema in 2011 were... The King's Speech Black Swan Never Let Me Go Bridesmaids Larry Crowne The Tree of Life Horrible Bosses The Inbetweeners Movie One Day Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy Melancholia The Big Year The Help We...

After a while you learn The subtle difference between Holding a hand and chaining a soul And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning And company doesn’t always mean security. And you begin to learn That kisses aren’t contracts And presents aren’t promises And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes ahead With the grace of a woman Not the grief of a child And you learn To build all your roads on today Because tomorrow’s ground is Too uncertain for plans And futures have a way Of falling down in mid flight After a while you learn That even sunshine burns if you get too much So you plant your own garden And decorate your own soul Instead of waiting For someone to bring you flowers And you learn That you really can endure That you are really strong And you really do have worth And you learn and you learn With every good bye you learn. Veronica A. Shoffstall After a while, as it becomes clear for a great many individuals; it...

It is said in the early texts that Buddha arose from meditating to teach people, suggesting that he continued to practice after achieving Enlightenment.  Why would he do this? The interpretation offered to me by a teacher who has given this a great deal more thought than I can claim to have done, is that nirvana is perhaps best regarded as a skill to be mastered rather than a destination we might hope to arrive at.  As such, there is only 'nirvana-ing'...  The idea appeals to me as someone interested in the power we have to shape our lives by inclining our minds, thoughts, words and actions. It strikes me as a thoroughly hopeful proposition - that we can learn how to  do nirvana, and then practice this, to develop a skill as we might any other than we sought to improve, and maybe even master.  Considering this in some more depth, there is perhaps a lot to be said for accumulating 'little nirvanas' in our daily...

We are constantly changing.  Some of us work to bring these changes about consciously, and perhaps more quickly than they might organically occur, given our defenses and the tendency to stay in the comfort zone, even when it's pretty uncomfortable; others can go through much of their lives without feeling the need to consider what they'd like to change.  Those lucky few don't tend to present for therapy.  Therapy is all about change.  Telos Therapy, I like to think, is about change from the inside-out.  As such, being in therapy is challenging.  That's the point.  By confronting ourselves, and some of our deeply held belief systems and schemata that keep us stuck, we avail ourselves of space to consider, and room to grow.  For some clients, change is not simply a hope but absolutely fundamental.  They don't seek subtle changes that perhaps only they, and possibly those closest to them, might become aware of.  They want radical...

I once heard courage described as fear that has said its prayers.  Whilst I do not claim to be religious, I have a definite sense of my own spirituality, and daily practice that helps me stay connected to the idea that there is something greater than me, with a plan bigger than I will ever conceive of.  A very dear friend of mine was recently diagnosed with cancer.  This is, apparently, part of the plan.  I wouldn't have included it, but here it is and we're dealing with it.  One day at a time makes a whole lot of sense when you're living and breathing something as big as 'The Big C'. Despair is always an option but, right now, it doesn't hold much appeal.  Nothing is ever hopeless.  Life seems too short for self pity.  It takes enormous courage to face life under any circumstances.  Doing life 'on life's terms' is a serious challenge.  Everyone does it their own way, and there are no right or wrong ways.  We must all tread a p...

A year ago I'd only ever dreamt longingly of seeing a Cirque du Soleil show.  Now I've seen three.  On three different continents.  It's funny how life unfolds.   Totem at the Royal Albert Hall was a dream come true.  There is a story behind each of the Cirque shows, and Totem follows the evolution of man starting from our amphibian ancestors, to our quest to fly, and soar like our winged friends.   Totem beautifully and seamlessly evolves as a spellbinding mystical masterpiece where you don't want to blink, as you hardly believe what you behold.  The language in which the show is presented is multifaceted:  your eyes and ears are captivated, and invited to pause a moment, suspended in disbelief as your assumptions as to the limits of the human body are questioned and swiftly dispelled.  The art is an exacting science, and with the exception of one act, the performers are unaided by safety ropes, relying on their own...

My glasses snapped this morning.  The damage is irreparable.  Oh well.  In the grand scheme of things, whilst irritating, and somewhat inconvenient, I have another pair (several, actually) and they are replaceable.  I have had several pieces of news recently that have caused me to pause, and think about the truly precious nature of time, and how life really is too short to sweat the small stuff.  There are things over which I have no control.  Shit happens.  As M. Scott Peck so wisely wrote:  Life is difficult ( The Road Less Travelled, 1978/1992, p.13 ). Good, so now we've come to terms with that, we can actually get on with it. In her poem, A Summer Day , Mary Oliver posed the question:  Tell me, what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?  It's well worth considering, given that this may well be it.  I don't find this unpalatable, or even particularly maudlin.  The opposite, acceptance gives me cl...

As the closing credits began to roll, the guy sitting in the adjacent seat turned to me and asked me what I had thought.  I found it almost impossible to try and capture my mindstate and articulate it to a stranger at that moment in the briefest of summaries.  I thought it was brilliant.  A cinematic masterpiece.  I didn't use those words.  It was quite obvious he didn't agree.  It was disturbing.  But real.  Staggeringly real.  The research that had gone into it was clear from the opening scenes as we see Brandon, the protagonist played exquisitely (and, at times, excruciatingly) by Michael Fassbender lying alone in bed, clearly preoccupied.  Later, we discover the true extent of the daily battle he faces, and the powerful grip of his addiction. Fassbender's performance cuts to the very core of the issue that Abi Morgan and Steve McQueen have tackled.  Nothing is left to the imagination, as sexual addiction is truly bro...

"Mrs. Dalloway said that she would get the flowers herself."  (Mrs. Dalloway, Virginia Woolf, first published 1925). I always buy the flowers myself.  Clients rarely comment upon them, but they're generally there.  Fresh and bright, sitting silently and unremarkably in my therapy room.  I like what they add to the environment, and find they bring in their presence something rather hard to define... I enjoy choosing them, and tend to mix it up as the seasons change.  Lillies are a firm favourite, and my room often boasts a lofty fragrance (which was helpful when someone managed to spill a large Grande Hazelnut Latte towards the end of last year).  Currently, I have tulips.  They're bright yellow.  Somehow, whilst adding a splash of colour to an otherwise largely neutral decor, the flowers stand for more than decoration.  They convey a hopefulness which can often be helpful.  They are friendly, and offer, I...

There are, it seems, great lessons to be learned on holiday.  Trying to maintain some of the serenity experienced outside of my routine, whilst getting back into my routine is the challenge.  Whilst away, I took advantage of being 'time rich' and enjoyed exploring massage, trying different treatments experimenting with the different benefits each afforded. "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." C. S. Lewis No two massage experiences are the same.  I am never the same person who gets onto the couch or, into the chair.  Different therapists have different approaches, and different days will require different emphases and variations in the pressure to be applied for the optimal treatment.    My investigation took me from top notch spas with wonderful facilities, into practitioners' sitting rooms, and to the office of a charity which trains the blind and partially sighted the art of acupressure....

My beautiful new orange yoga mat (thank you, Honor) has inspired me to consider some goals for my practice in the year ahead.  Attending my first class of 2012 presented several challenges, and reminded me about the importance of setting intentions as the first step along the road heading towards achievement. Feathered Peacock My first intention is to continue to practice regularly, by attending classes and practising alone at home.  I know that those individuals whose progress I have admired to date have incorporated a series of asanas into their daily routine, and have reaped the rewards.  In terms of the poses I wish to concentrate on, forearm balances are definitely up there.  I have pretty good strength in my arms and shoulders (helped by swimming) but encounter a challenge when I seek to balance on them!  Whilst my forearms are reasonably strong, my real challenge is getting my rather long and unwiedly legs off the fl...

I have been thinking some more about what is often referred to as personal development.  It strikes me that the key to this elusive activity is one's powerlessness over what may be unlocked.  The more work I do on myself, the less well I believe I know me.  I believe that our potential is infinite and that nothing can prepare you for what is possible. In order for us to evolve, grow and develop, it is necessary to constantly review what we are carrying, in order to assess whether we need or want to continue to take this with us into the next lines and chapters of our autobiographies and, if not, to shed the excess baggage.  Experience has shown me that we have little, if any, control over the scheduling of growth spurts or the timescales involved; all I know is that it happens at the right time.  Sometimes, we'll be caught by surprised, as the past has a funny habit of catching up with us.  Oftentimes it'll be at the most inopportune and...

Whilst enjoying a change of scenery, I started to think about the psychological mechanics of holidaying.  It occurred to me that we are liable and likely to unpack from the suitcase far more than the baggage we chose to bring along with us for the trip.  Jon Kabat-Zinn summarised it in the title of one of his books: 'Wherever you go, there you are' - we can't help but unpack ourselves on arrival.  I notice this in myself as on vacation I remain a creature of habit.  Like most people, I thrive on routine.  Familiarity is comfortable, and what is known feels safer than that which is unknown.  So, even during the shortest of breaks away, little habits emerge which, whilst radical adjustments from my usual routine, are themselves akin to a routine.  "First we make our habits, then our habits make us."   Dennis Waitley "Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters."   Nathaniel Emmons Ex...