Where do you live?

Working for oneself has its pros and cons.  One of the challenges is finding the balance.  There is a time to work, and there is a time to not work.  Confusion about this seems prevalent amongst a particular demographic, and I have found myself thinking about the so-called work-life balance, and that oh so fine line that can at times seem dotted, or blurred. 

There are those for whom this might make no sense at all.  An alien concept that can relate to not in the least.  But for many others, this is a serious issue.  Burnout is all too real, and must be taken seriously if it is to be avoided. 

Many of us have become acclimatised to unhealthy levels of compulsive working, accomplishing and 'should-ing' with possible physical, emotional, social and environmental consequences.  As individuals, and as a collective, we are hitting the ceiling in terms of the amount of stress that we can handle.  Most of the major illnesses of our generation are stress related to one degree or another.  Also, our environment is showing signs of excessive wear and tear.  Excessive stress is the result of pushing too hard, over-running our physical and environmental coping resources and then reaching a point of exhaustion. 

So, is work catching up with you?  Where are you spending most of your time?  With friends, or in front of your emails?  Has the office become something of a second home?  When was the last time you left on time, or better still, early?  Do you know when your next break will be? 

Compulsive doing might also be called workaholism, "hurry sickness", Type-A Behaviour, or perfectionism.  Compulsive doing has similar traits and comprises the tendency to do what we think we should do instead of what we choose to do.  Compulsive doing is a lifestyle in which the demands of our environment gradually take precedence over our internal feelings, needs, and responses.  In the end, compulsive "shoulds" take over and we lose our ability to be spontaneous and uninhibited.  In a sense our life gets turned inside out so that what is external to us becomes more important that what is internal.

One of the most obvious ways to tell whether you're over doing it is to look to see if the activity and lifestyle we are involved in is coming out of a sense of choicefulness, or a sense of goal-oriented drivenness.  Many of us have the idea that life is filled with things that we need to get done.  The truth is that at its essence, life is entirely optional.  Ultimately, if you think about it, we don't even have to stay alive if we don't want to.  Yet so many of us live as if everything we get into is a should.

To recover our power of being, we first need to acknowledge the possibility of choicefulness in our life.  The difficult truth is that even the most valuable task or endeavour loses it's inherent worth when done without a true sense of desire and spontaneity.  Even things that are supposed to be "recreational", or just for "fun" can become part of the problem.  There are many stressed-out "playaholics" out there with piles of toys and no sense of being.

The stress from a work dominated lifestyle can lead to irritability and affect you and those around you.  One of the most important stages of addressing the issue, is to understand it better.  Why has work assumed such significance?  What is the pay off? 

To complete the following sentences with honesty, open mindedness and willingness might expose some home truths:

“If I give up working so much, I’m afraid that…”

“I need to work as much as I do because…”

Keep repeating these sentences, until you are arriving at no new endings.
When you are finished, you may want to write down some of the sentences that felt strongest.

Become very clear about what it would look like for you to be working at the level you want to be.  Get a good picture before moving on. Write down what you learn.

Now imagine being there in that reality.

You are working at the level you want to be, and see it very clearly.

Spend a moment allowing it to feel very real.

Notice if there is anything that feels unwelcome about this reality.
Spend some time with this experience before moving on.
Write down what you learn.

Still imagining yourself working considerably less than you do now...

Try saying, “I refuse to work less because…” and let the sentence finish itself.

Now imagine a recent situation in which you were working compulsively and felt powerless to stop. Once you are there, name how you feel in your body.  Try saying, “I cannot let myself stop working right now because…” and let the sentence finish itself.

 Stay in that scene of working compulsively, and try saying “Right now I am afraid that…”

and let the sentence finish itself without pre-thinking an ending.

You can change the sentence-stem to make it fit for you.

Keep trying this sentence completion a few more times.

Write down anything that felt particularly strong.

Having gone through the above steps, you may feel as though you have found a part of yourself that you didn't know existed.  You may have discovered that your working patterns actually serve an important purpose for you.  It is important not to turn this part of yourself into an enemy, but rather make peace with it and let it become a friend.  You can do this by not trying to change it, but instead just accepting it and letting it be true. 

It may be useful to set aside some time each day to revisit the learnings, which may become a platform from which you can seek alternative support, from family, friends, or through self-help or therapy. 

For every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain;

A time to search, and a time to give up;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time for war, and a time for peace.

From Ecclesiastes 3

ODIST: The Overdoing It Screening Test

So...  which side of the line do you find yourself?

The list making that many of us do is a good example of the difference between healthy choicefulness and compulsive doing.  The critical questions is "Do I own my list, or does it own me?"  Lots of us make lists of things that we want to do.  The problem comes when that list becomes only a means to an end rather than an expression of our internal process of selecting options for what we would like to do and what feels most important to us.  In so doing we externalise that list and give it a power over us that it shouldn't have.

The answer to compulsive doing is healthy being.  Healthy being is a way of living in the world.  It is entirely experiential and different for every individual.  The critical aspect of healthy being is what has been described as "spontaneous disinhibition."  The world is constantly calling us to do, be, or say what we "should."  Many of us feel guilty, or fearful about facing down those external shoulds and saying, "No. This is who I need to be. I have a right to choose. I have a right to be here."  When we take up that challenge, we get ourselves onto the road of healthy being.

What can help us to make this jump from doing to being is the awareness that even a lifetime of material success and good works pales when compared to even a few hours of true beingness.  When we are brave enough to face down our shoulds we make a contribution to the world that is as real as it is difficult to measure.  When you think of the people who have most influenced your life or those you have felt most loved by, it is likely you will find that they had a strong quality of being about them.  When we are into our beingness, wonderful things begin to happen to us and around us and other people benefit either directly or indirectly.

'Healthy being' isn't a destination that you "get" to.  Being is a quality which is already inside all of us right this moment.  It is innate.  We are born with it.  The real task, the journey, is about getting beneath the layers of compulsivity and denial of self which we build around us.  When we do, our power of being naturally emerges for us to cultivate and expand.  There are a plethora of self-help books advocating the introduction of yet another thing.  The solution might instead come from within.  What you really need to be at peace with this life is inside you all the time.  It's a question of discovery and uncovery so to speak.

The Official Site of Workaholics Anonymous

Some tried and tested tools for addressing compulsive overworking:

Prioritising 
Decide which are the most important things to do first.

Sometimes that may mean doing nothing.

Strive to stay flexible to events, reorganising priorities as needed. 

View interruptions and accidents as opportunities for growth.

Substituting 
Do not add a new activity without eliminating from your schedule one that demands equivalent time and energy.

Underscheduling 

Allow more time than you think necessary for a task or trip, allowing a comfortable margin to accommodate the unexpected.

Playing

Schedule time for play, refusing to let yourself work non-stop.

Do not make play into a work project.

Concentrating
Seek to do one thing at a time.

Pacing 
Work at a comfortable pace and rest before getting tired.

Check energy levels before approaching the next activity.

By not getting "wound up" in work, there is no need to unwind.

Relaxing
Do not yield to pressure from others or attempt to pressure others.

Remain alert to the people and situations that trigger feelings of pressure in us.

Become aware of our own actions, words, body sensations and feelings that tell us we are responding with pressure.

When energy feels to be building up, stop; we reconnect with our intention and with others around us.

Accepting 
Accept the outcomes of our endeavours, whatever the results, whatever the timing.

Impatience, rushing and insisting on perfect results only slow down our recovery.

Be gentle with your efforts, knowing that this new way of living requires much practice.

Asking 
Admit weaknesses and mistakes.

We don't have to do everything ourselves, and can ask others for help.

Balancing 
Balance involvement in work with efforts to develop personal relationships, spiritual growth, creativity and playful attitudes.

Living in the Now 
Realise that you are exactly where you are meant to be - in the here and now.

Try to live each moment with serenity, joy and gratitude.