The Reward is the Journey

Yesterday I swam a little over 2.5k.  Quite an ordinary training session in this respect.  But extraordinary in the fact that I got out of the pool feeling as though I'd made real progress.  Swimming long distance, and being largely self-taught, I know that I have developed habits some of which don't perhaps serve my aim of efficiency.  Habits are hard to break.  Some are harder than others.  I know that perhaps better than most.    On average, I swim 3kph.  It's not particularly quick, but it's not slow either.  Particularly when the bulk of my usual training is done by my upper body alone.  I swim arms-only, keeping my legs steady using a float.  I am working towards letting go of this aid, and swimming with my ankles tied together as my friend and fellow aquatic enthusiast does.  Losing the float will introduce an additional challenge, I will have to work hard to maintain correct body position in the wate...

"I'm something of a go-to person for each of them, I s'pose", he explained.  In this constellation, he is important.  Go-to people are extremely important.  Are you someone's go-to person?  Who are your go-to people?    Most of us need a go-to person.  Someone with whom you can be honest, and open.  Somebody you could call in the middle of the night (and be confident that they'd pick up).  Whose call would you take in the wee small hours?  Even the most self sufficient of us benefit from the knowledge that there is someone to whom we can turn, come what may.    Being a go-to person is a privilege, but it is also a responsibility.  The ability to respond to another's distress, and genuinely be present for someone else, depends on our own self care.  Ideally, we construct a go-to network, accepting the reality that even in the age of instant communication, we cannot guarantee that someone will be th...

I had been looking forward to it.  I had the onset of lastminute nerves as I carbed up at breakfast.  I checked my registration information before setting off, leaving plenty of time for the 11.00h start time.  It wasn't to be - the organisers of the Big Swim decided to change the start times accommodating for the different events that were being held at the Vachery Triathlon Festival.  As I queued in the registration tent, my heart sank on catching sight of the whiteboard displaying the unwelcome information.  The water temperature at 20.2° concerned me not in the least.  The start times for those entering the 1500m and 3k swims did.  My wave had started an hour earlier than the published start time.      "If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau     I don't do disappointment terribly well.  I particularly don't do unforeseen...

Sitting beside the grave of a 2 day old infant whose family I don't know, I was confronted with a difficult mixture of feelings.  I could immediately imagine the importance of this bench for the child's mother, or father, who have somewhere to come, and know where their baby girl is.  As I stayed there awhile, the beauty of the graveyard became apparent - the stillness of the summer's evening, the colours of the trees highlighted and accented by the sunshine.  The brightly coloured windmill, standing beside the tiny grave of a little girl I never met.    "Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.  I miss you like hell." Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950) There is perhaps nothing capable of taking away the pain of such a loss, but having somewhere to come, and be, must allow it to be there in a way that families of missing persons can...

Fighting cancer is, I guess, rarely a straightforward road.  Charlotte's journey has been more easily navigable than many, but there have been twists and turns aplenty.  Having had life changing and (God-willing) life preserving surgery 3 weeks ago, she is now free of the drains that resembled tendrils and life can begin to return normality - whatever 'normal' is when you're living with cancer.  The new school year is due to start in a week's time, and whilst this hasn't been the summer she might have envisaged, it has been summer nonetheless.  The inferno like heat in recent days has been both a blessing, as a natural mood enhancer and spirit lifter, but has made for uncomfortably sticky weather for post op healing.  Charlotte's hair, when not concealed under hats and headscarves, is benefiting from the turbo charged boost of Vitamin D, and is a wonderful sign of her body's inner strength and wisdom.  Whilst energy levels have been zapp...

"Comparison is the thief of joy" Theodore Roosevelt Comparison is sometimes recipe for disaster.  The phrase "Compare and despair" carries with it particular meaning to those of us prone to a depressive outlook, or a tinge of melancholia.  As human beings, one of the curses of our tremendous evolution is our tendency to look outside of ourselves and jump to the swift conclusion that things are other than they should be, and that we are not where we would like to be.  We compare our observations of others' external appearances to our internal self perceptions and, at the moments we are most likely to do this, we are most vulnerable to arriving at a negative conclusion.  We compare our self perceptions (often inherently and unfavourably distorted) to things as we see them and arrive at a place that confirms our suspicions that things are not as we would have them.  We have not achieved what we think we ought to, earn less than...

Some time ago I was told about a survey carried out either side of the Channel, which sought to investigate the eating habits of English and French lorry drivers.  Separated by only 26 miles, the disparity across the findings was stark.  When asked to describe their eating habits and patterns, the researchers discovered a serious cultural difference.  Having just returned from a brief sojourn en France, I have paused to reflect on my recent experiences and in particular, those concerning food... There is no doubt about it, the French most certainly enjoy their food.  And why not?  From the simple to the sublime, the last week has been about good food, locally sourced, simply prepared and savoured.  It has been a luxury and a revelation to take time, and something I intend to incorporate more deliberately into my everyday routine.  Food, for me today, is about more than fuel.  Eating leisurely is an essential component of the digestive p...

The timing of my summer holiday was inadvertent brilliance.  I have been able to witness and enjoy the spectacle that has been London 2012 far better than I would have done, had I been at home engaging in my usual routine.  As someone who rarely switches the TV on (except occasionally to watch something I've pre-planned on the basis of a strong recommendation or intriguing review) and seldom, if ever, watches live sport I have been gripped and thrilled by the coverage following my own favourite sports (swimming and cycling) and learning lots about events about which I realised I knew very little.  It has been extraordinary and I feel privileged to have been able to follow Team GB's progress, especially over the last week - medals, or no medals.  What I have enjoyed most however has been the interviews athletes have so generously given, even immediately after completing their events, or a little later having had an op...

It was time.  Time for time out.  One of the most important lessons I've learned as a therapist, concerns my diary.  Knowing when my next break will be means I can offer the best of myself to those I seek to support.  My breaks are planned well ahead of time, and this is reflected in my diary.  I actually cross out those days I am not working, and have agreed the length and regularity of holidays with my supervisor who regularly asks me where I am in my working cycle.  It's important.  Working in the charities sector for much of my early career was good preparation:  holidays could not be carried over, and we were encouraged to make good use of our allowance, booking it in advance to guard against the dangers of burnout.  Working for myself, the same applies.  Time spent switching off is not a luxury.  It is vital.  It is factored into every week, and not confined to the weekend.  I need to switch gears more ...

As Great Britain hover around third on the Olympic medal table, we have witnessed some extraordinary scenes from the various sites around London (and further afield).  London 2012 has exceeded expectations and there is much talk of renewed inspiration in schools up and down the land.  The power of national pride is, it seems, not to be under estimated. In a different part of London has been a rather different performance, but one certainly worthy of a prize.  The courage and determination are comparable to the best of Team GB.  Her grace and humility have taken my breath away on more than one occasion.  Shortly before her pre op assessments, Charlotte was given very encouraging news from the oncologists who confirmed that she had responded well to the gruelling chemo regimen.  This was a most welcome boost in advance the mammoth mammary surgery that she underwent last week.  I am, quite simply, in awe of Charlotte's recovery....

...Lots, apparently.  Traditions can actually serve to keep things vibrant and relevant.  The Twelve Traditions that underlie Fellowships have become increasingly meaningful to me the longer I stay around.  There is, of course, no point in a tradition for the sake of a tradition.  That would be pointless, and would have put off countless numbers who came in search of an escape from the many institutions who have been found not to provide the solutions one could be forgiven for thinking they might.  I have heard it said that while the Steps prevent suicide, the Traditions prevent homicide.  They work to keep the rooms a safe place in which people can recover, a day at a time.  They have preserved the fellowships and ensured their longevity.  They provide guidelines for relationships between the twelve-step groups, members, other groups, the global fellowship, and society at large.  Questions of finance, p...

A lot can, and generally does, happen in a week.  In that respect, this last week has been nothing out of the ordinary.  In many other weeks it has been utterly unusual with highs and lows of both magnificent and appalling proportions.  I was shocked to learn that our friend Naomi lost her battle against bowel cancer.  She was diagnosed within a week of Charlotte, but their journeys were to be very different.  I was heartbroken to hear that a beautiful life had been cut so tragically short by this most brutal disease.  My sympathies are extended to her wonderful 'superhero' husband and Sam, and all Naomi's family, especially her sister Jess.  "I like bikes. What I lack in height I make up for in willpower." In loving memory of Naomi Hemmant (nee Anderson) Naomi took extreme sports to another level and her year-round cycling was the stuff that legends are made of.  Never have I heard of anyone taking to two wheels at temp...