No regrets

Palliative care does not happen by itself.  I know this to be true, from a very personal perspective.  I am, among other things, a care coordinator.  I do not claim responsibility for the care itself.  That is now, quite simply, way beyond my capabilities.  This is a role for which my only recompense is being able to sleep at night knowing that my dear mother is in a safe pair (or usually several pairs) of hands. 

 

My sleep is easily compromised.  Watching someone you care about decline beyond recognition will push most people to the edge.  Chronic health conditions are no fun for anyone.  They take their toll.  Progressive illnesses progressively drain all those whose lives come into contact with them, and that  usually includes a network of people around the patient themselves. 

 

I feel so fortunate.  I am not doing this alone.  The support we receive from the hospice is unquantifiable and invaluable.  They think of everything I can't.  They remember when I don't.  They hold the ball when I drop it.  Thank goodness.  But, were it not for them, I believe we would be all at sea.  I honestly don't know to where we would have turned. 

 

Caring for anyone requires energy.  It also requires creativity.  You have to learn to foresee the unforeseeable.  You have to think the unthinkable and bear the unbearable.  No one wants to see a loved one deteriorate, but in order to support them you must come to accept what it is that you are dealing with.  Only then can you get on with the task in hand.

 

And what a massive task it is.  I had no idea.  I have a better idea now, having been learning on the job.  Acceptance is a funny thing.  In my family it gets passed around.  Someone holds it, for a while, and then it becomes too difficult, and it will pass to someone else.  So long as somebody is holding it, then we can maintain the momentum that is such an intrinsic (whilst anachronistic) component of this journey.  Awareness, acceptance, action.  That's how it goes.  Only when we learnt about the diagnoses and conditions could we come to accept what it was that we would be dealing with, and only with these prerequisites, can we move in a direction that is truly useful.

We cannot be sure what the future holds.  We cannot even know how long the future will allow us to spend together.  But in this, we are no different to anyone else.  Life is precious.  Time is precious.  We need to prioritise.  Perhaps more urgently than ever before.  We want to avoid regrets.  We must keep putting one foot in front of the other.