Resolve - Part 3

My practice has been both challenging and illuminating of late. It is always a challenge, making a commitment to carve out the time but the old adage still holds weight with me: When you have the time to practice, take five minutes. When you're short of time, take ten!

Don't just do something... Sit there.

Ho hum. And so, I have been giving more thought for a third and (for now, anyway) final post about goal setting, and how to increase our chances of 'success'...

Many of those who approach me to learn mindfulness, come to it having tried a great many other things along the way. Mindfulness has attracted a lot of attention in recent years, especially amongst those of us interested in self, or life, improvement.  

My own mindfulness practice has illustrated the paradox:  it's only when we meditate for its own sake, rather than trying to get something from it, that we find the results we're pursuing.

Goal setting is something we are encouraged very strongly to do - it is part and parcel of living in the relentlessly busy, task driven, Western world - everyone wants to know your aims and objectives. Perhaps too much emphasis is placed on what, and too little on how.

I am interested in the connection between the process of setting out a goal and then what happens when, for whatever reason, we might miss it. It seems to me that this not only affects the achievement of the original goals, but will likely impact our future chances of success, with a cumulative and corrosive effect on self efficacy that threatens our effectiveness.

Mindfulness contains a recipe which, whilst appearing very simple, can if explored fully, provide something of an antidote for self defeating thoughts and 'habits of mind'.  Mindfulness demands that we become more fluent at uni-tasking: i.e. bringing our full awareness to only one thing at a time. 

This has not only been something I have experienced for myself; but something I regularly see in those beginning to practise mindfulness: as we actually meditate (learning to remain present, opening ourselves to the fullness of our moment-to-moment experience, and returning again and again when the mind wanders, as it surely will), our battle draws to a close: we no longer need to go a-round and a-round the relentless loop of wishing things were other than they are, and can see with greater clarity where it is that we find ourselves. 

It is this process, I believe, that is essential to the achievement of goals that are important to us as it enables us both to see what it is that we most value which informs us of the 'what', and also recognise where we are, and the resources available to us, in order to become more familiar with the 'how'.

Mindfulness is therefore something of a radical paradox: in order to get 'there', we must first let go of where it is that we are going. This is why 'effort' is such a controversial word in the mindfulness world: there is something to do (quite a lot, actually); but what is required is commitment, and persistence - to find the balance between struggle and surrender. 

Setting your intention is like drawing an arrow from the quiver of your heart.

Bruce Black

Here it can be quite useful to distinguish between an intention, and a goal. 

Goals are things we tend to measure, and we judge our achievement of them using discrepancy based processing: am I where I want to be? The tension we happen upon when we find that we are not experiencing what we would like to happen usually leads us into a judgement of either ourselves, or our current experience, as not good enough, unacceptable, or to be escaped. It is easy to see how this can lead to feelings of defeat. 

Mindfulness is a good example of something that works far better when made as an intention, rather than a goal: intentions are discovered (and re-discovered) in the present, so in the very act of making one, you have already accomplished what you set out to do. An intention cannot fail, because it happens in the here and now. With an intention there is no required result: we are simply connecting to a course that we have chosen. We do so with an open mind, which liberates us to all possible outcomes, including success. In this way, we bring on board a sense of curiosity, and experimentation. 

Intention might be compared to an old oak tree: firmly rooted (in reality) and has both strength, and flexibility (meaning it can stand firm in changing and even adverse weather conditions). 

Makia ke ali'i, ehuehu ka ukali

Energy flows where intention goes.

Hawaiian proverb

Holding an intention means that we can adapt our course of action, depending on what we discover and encounter along the way. In this way, we are better equipped to deal with unforeseen circumstances, or re-plan our journey when we come across a dead-end. With a goal, we are very much more limited, and thus more likely to collapse when something doesn't work out as we'd planned. 

Intentions come from within us, whereas goals tend to be external. In connecting to an intention we hold for ourselves, we don't have to look anywhere else for fulfilment: whatever we desire is already here as a seed within us. We may of course need some support or guidance as seek to cultivate that seed, but it may be a great relief to realise that we don't need to try and be anything we're not.

There is nothing wrong, per se, with having goals, and holding them as important. The key to their achievement lies in the mindful creation of the conditions necessary for their successful attainment.

It is a bit like trying to fall asleep: there are a number of things that will likely help, but if you keep trying to drop off, oftentimes, it simply won't happen. At some point, you have to trust, and let go. It's the same with trying to relieve stress: if you try to relieve your stress, this is the experience you'll have (rather than the relief you crave).

The intentions I encourage those new to mindfulness to cultivate include giving themselves over to practising awareness and compassion, opening to, working with and learning from what happens as we do so - as best we can. 

 Intentions have an additional benefit, that they carry us when it seems as though little or nothing is happening. True well-being comes from a letting go of the struggle. And it is from this position that it becomes possible to reach the goal. 

When our actions are based on good intentions our soul has no regrets.

Anthony Douglas Williams