Life goes on and carries me with it

There is a sudden surreal realisation that life has gone on

with little notice of how your life has been forever altered.

John Pete

Time moves, and passes. Things settle, and change. I feel as though the change has been taking place somewhere deep within me. I have a shifted outlook. My reality has altered. Profoundly. And with it, my perspective is somehow different.

The capacity to grieve is as much a part of us as the capacity to love.

These changes are hard to pinpoint. They are intangible, yet perceptible each and every moment that I choose to 'tune in'. I have a different 'take' on the loss. It is somehow no longer so immediate, or raw, yet always close by.

Each person's grief journey is as individual as a fingerprint or a snowflake.

Earl Grollman

I carry it with me, but have found a way of holding it close without feeling consumed or restricted by it. Like the many little things I transport in my handbag: it is there, and I feel comforted knowing of its presence. But I need not recollect it every minute of every day.

Loss and heartache do not define you.

They are part of your story.

Reminders abound. Pieces of music. Familiar phrases that I hear from others' mouths. The redirected mail I will sometime get a handle on. Your presence, sitting there peacefully on my kitchen window. Delighting in the spring sunshine.

Comments

Table. Apple. Penny.

Whilst there were several places I might have been that morning, I wouldn't have been anywhere else. The practitioner from the Memory Service arrived promptly. I liked her instantly. Mum was nervous. I think I was a little, too. It's been a difficult year. "It's Friday, it's the fourteenth of December and I'm at home..." No problems there. CAMCOG, or the Cambridge Cognitive Examination is a thorough assessment tool used to assess the extent of extent of dementia, and to assess the level of cognitive impairment. The standardised measure assesses orientation, language, memory, praxis, attention, abstract thinking, perception and calculation. "Table. Apple. Penny." Three everyday items that were introduced at one point, and then referred to again later on. Again, Mum was able to recall each. I am reminded that the...

Glass half full? Glass half empty? Or perhaps the glass is broken

I am, constitutionally, a glass half empty gal. I will always first acknowledge what I don't have, what I have lost, and what it is that I am seeking. I tend to overlook my strengths, concentrating only on those bits of me that are underdeveloped or weak. I refer to myself as a realist, but in doing so compliment myself and insult those who genuinely are simply realistic. My modus operandi is to identify what's not working and acknowledge this before seeing more clearly what functions perfectly well. This has its place: I edit others' written work pretty well. My fastidious attention to detail serves me, and the author. Accuracy counts, for me and I have an excellent memory. I can remember a great many of my sessions with clients verbatim. Even this asset is something I can, and do, diminish the true value of, by concentrating on 'I should have said...' or 'why didn't.... occur to me during the session?' Earlier this we...

Pausing in the sunshine

And so, chemo is over. My best friend's diary has been chocker... Line cleans, blood tests, scans and 18 weekly doses of the gruelling treatment itself. Summer seems at last to have arrived and with it, we hope, some time, peace and space. She is, we acknowledged over a rather yummy luncheon served to us beneath the beautiful canopy of creepers and climbers at Petersham Nurseries, an inspiration. A small group of us gathered to celebrate her forthcoming marriage. The sun's rays joined the warmth we all have for this very special woman. Warmth and, in my case at least, pride. It is the greatest privilege to call this woman my best friend. She continues to epitomise my understanding of grace. Our bodies are fragile things. Our minds are frailer still. In her composure and wisdom, she possesses an outlook I can only aspire to adopt. From you, dear Charlotte, I learn and I learn and I learn. The ...

The Reward is the Journey

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