As the closing credits began to roll, the guy sitting in the adjacent seat turned to me and asked me what I had thought. I found it almost impossible to try and capture my mindstate and articulate it to a stranger at that moment in the briefest of summaries.
I thought it was brilliant. A cinematic masterpiece. I didn't use those words. It was quite obvious he didn't agree. It was disturbing. But real. Staggeringly real. The research that had gone into it was clear from the opening scenes as we see Brandon, the protagonist played exquisitely (and, at times, excruciatingly) by Michael Fassbender lying alone in bed, clearly preoccupied. Later, we discover the true extent of the daily battle he faces, and the powerful grip of his addiction.
Fassbender's performance cuts to the very core of the issue that Abi Morgan and Steve McQueen have tackled. Nothing is left to the imagination, as sexual addiction is truly brought out of the shadows, and exposed for the beast it is. We follow Brandon as he desperately attempts to maintain his life alongside his shameful secret, and see the increasingly harrowing journey the progressive and unrelenting illness takes him on.
The pervasive nature of addiction is highlighted and the title is striking in its central and starring role. Just as with all addictive processes, shame is not only the primary ingredient, but also a catalyst, maintainer and resulting product. Addiction is a shame based illness, and sexual addiction thrives in the darkness it is forced to occupy, the ultimate in taboo subjects, and one of the most difficult problems for any individual, let alone an apparently high functioning New Yorker, to gain the help they need and deserve.
Carey Mulligan's most poignant line is heard in an answerphone message Sissy leaves her brother before opening several arteries: "We're not bad people. We just come from a bad place." The viewer is left to speculate where that might have been though the hallmarks don't speak of a safe or supported childhood. They are both on seemingly inevitable paths of self destruct.
The scenes unfold with both a content and rythm that maintained an extraordinary momentum. The audience travel alongside Brandon, accompanying him to the insalubrious depths his addiction forces him visit. One experiences the obsession gathering pace all the time as he has to go to greater lengths (and risks) in an attempt to satisfy his insatiable appetites: More. Now. Again. They stop at nothing, and whilst he doesn't lack self awareness, we see him trapped and alone in the bubble of his addictive cycle, unable to escape through willpower alone. It doesn't make for comfortable viewing, but rather portrays one person's story clearly and unashamedly.
Resources
Colleagues specialising in Sexual Addiction
Articles about Sexual Addiction
Recovery Online and Off
Recommended Reading
Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction
Patrick Carnes, PhD
This is the landmark book introducing and legitimising sexual behaviours and sexual fantasies as an addictive disease. Dr. Carnes proposes three levels of sexual addiction, describes the addiction cycle and its progression, and presents the faulty core beliefs of the addict and the co addict and their healthy counterparts.
This is the landmark book introducing and legitimising sexual behaviours and sexual fantasies as an addictive disease. Dr. Carnes proposes three levels of sexual addiction, describes the addiction cycle and its progression, and presents the faulty core beliefs of the addict and the co addict and their healthy counterparts.
Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict
Patrick Carnes
In this sequel to Out of the Shadows, Dr. Carnes adds to his original descriptions of sex addiction, describing the stages of the illnesses. He presents here his Sexual Addiction Screening test, useful to therapists and addicts alike.
A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps
Patrick Carnes
This is the first workbook on the Twelve Steps specifically designed with sex addicts and co addicts in mind. It offers comprehensive and practical exercises for each of the twelve steps for anyone for anyone working a sexual recovery program.
This is the first workbook on the Twelve Steps specifically designed with sex addicts and co addicts in mind. It offers comprehensive and practical exercises for each of the twelve steps for anyone for anyone working a sexual recovery program.
Don't Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction
Patrick Carnes
Based on research involving over 1,000 recovering sex addicts and co addicts, this comprehensive work outlines the stages of recovery and presents advice from the addicts and co addicts themselves as they work to overcome their compulsive behaviour. Recommended both for counsellors and for recovering people.
Lonely All the Time: Recognising, Understanding and Overcoming Sex Addiction, for Addicts and Codependents
Ralph Earle & Gregory Crow
This book addresses the needs and concerns of all sexual addicts, regardless of their sexual orientation, and also of the addict's codependent partner. They authors explore the causes and symptoms of sex addiction. They also include a comprehensive and practical approach to recovery for the addict and family.
This book addresses the needs and concerns of all sexual addicts, regardless of their sexual orientation, and also of the addict's codependent partner. They authors explore the causes and symptoms of sex addiction. They also include a comprehensive and practical approach to recovery for the addict and family.
Hope and Recovery: A Twelve-Step Guide for Healing From Compulsive Sexual Behaviour
Hazelden
This was one of the first books to comprehensively describe the application of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to sexual addiction and compulsivity. It also includes a wide range of personal stories in which recovering sexual addicts share their experience, strength, and hope.
Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power
Charlotte Davis Kasl
This book is a major contribution to the understanding and healing of sex addiction, romance addiction, and sexual codependency in women. It is full of wisdom and insight, shedding light on what happens to women in our society, how they survive it, and some roads to self-respect.
Is It Love or is it Addiction?
Brenda Schaeffer
This book helps readers understand love addiction and to sort out the unhealthy, addictive elements in their romantic relationship. Brenda presents a solid theory of love addiction and healthy love, with practical examples to illustrate her concepts.
In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behaviour
Patrick Carnes, David L. Delmonico & Elizabeth Griffin
Updated with the latest information, trends, and developments, this book equips readers with specific strategies for recognising and changing compulsive sexual behaviours. Personal stories reveal how desperate life can become for online sex addicts--divorce, career loss, and financial ruin are common outcomes. More importantly the authors set forth a path for breaking free from compulsive online sexual behaviour and sustaining lifelong recovery.
Untangling the Web: Sex, Porn, and Fantasy Obsession in the Internet Age
Robert Weiss & Jennifer Schneider
With personal stories from addicts and their significant others, this updated essential resource offers realistic healing strategies for anyone experiencing the devastating impact of Internet pornography and sex addiction on intimacy, relationships, career, health, and self-respect.
Lust/Anger/Love: Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Road to Healthy Intimacy
Maureen Canning
Canning shows how compulsions are the product of early childhood abuse and how patterns, from the most violent to the most commonplace, develop. She explains that the overriding emotion sexually addicted people feel towards the partners with whom they seek intimacy is anger turned into sexuality, or "sexualized anger." This yields a false sense of security and power, an "aggressive tendency," which destroys any chance of a healthy relationship. Lust, Anger, Love offers a comprehensive and enlightening look at the origins of these little discussed behaviours and maps out a plan for recovery.
Canning shows how compulsions are the product of early childhood abuse and how patterns, from the most violent to the most commonplace, develop. She explains that the overriding emotion sexually addicted people feel towards the partners with whom they seek intimacy is anger turned into sexuality, or "sexualized anger." This yields a false sense of security and power, an "aggressive tendency," which destroys any chance of a healthy relationship. Lust, Anger, Love offers a comprehensive and enlightening look at the origins of these little discussed behaviours and maps out a plan for recovery.
Is it Love or is it Addiction?
Brenda Schaeffer
Schaeffer draws on years of feedback and new developments to foster an understanding of love addiction: what it is and what it is not, how to identify it, and, even more important, how to get out of it. Stories of real individuals struggling to develop sound relationships illustrate the characteristics of healthy love and help readers to free themselves to live life more abundantly.
Schaeffer draws on years of feedback and new developments to foster an understanding of love addiction: what it is and what it is not, how to identify it, and, even more important, how to get out of it. Stories of real individuals struggling to develop sound relationships illustrate the characteristics of healthy love and help readers to free themselves to live life more abundantly.
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