Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Bringing my own sunshine as I approach dim corridors

It's a big week.  Not only does Charlotte face round five of chemo, toxic nastiness to battle the alien but she will learn how effective the efforts so far have proved.  Medical science has come a long way and oncology is evolving weekly, but the opponent is a stern one.  Halfway through the planned eight cycles, and it's time to take stock and measure progress.  Prayers have been said, and every digit crossed and the truth is shortly to be revealed.  She has done her bit.  She's had needles inserted and veins exhausted in the process.  Bloods have been taken.  CT scans performed.  Toxic chemicals have been issued.  Hair has fallen from her scalp in clumps.  She's been sicker than any dog we know.  Surely, this hasn't all been for nought. 

"Cancer is a word, not a sentence."
John Diamond

There is no bargaining power to be had.  This is non negotiable.  All that can be done has been and now we need to let go and hand over the outcome to whatever it is that each of us believe in.  For me, this and everything else, good and bad, beautiful or ugly, is part of a bigger plan.  I am a character in a play that continues to unfold a day at a time the plot and storyline I may never know and am unlikely to ever fully comprehend.  We are all given demons we must face, and thrown hurdles we must learn to leap.  Obstacles aplenty, challenges in abundance.  We learn and we grow.  We grit our teeth and we find ways to survive.  We accept our lot whilst putting the action in to change those things we can and we thrive.  This has been my experience, both personally and inferred from that which I have observed.

"People are made of flesh and blood and a miracle fibre called courage."
Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

They say courage is fear that has said its prayers.  I have no clue what it is that I pray to.  I couldn't draw a picture of it, and I wouldn't recognise it if we came face to face.  But I have faith in the unimaginable which gives me hope that the seemingly unjust will come right, and that the apparently impossible may one day be within reach.  Just as I can't explain how electricity works yet I wouldn't be without it, I don't think to question that there is a power greater than myself directing this lifetime and all that I encounter along the way.  Right now, I have more pressing issues to concern myself starting with  a significant oncology appointment to which I'll shortly be accompanying my dear brave friend.


"The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it."
C.C. Scott

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