Powerless, Unmanageable and Homeless

It occurred to me recently that this journey is far from an easy one. It demands everything we have. And often feels as though it requires more than we have to give. To approach the task with rigorous honesty is to come to accept that many of the places we have sought refuge and even made sanctuaries lack the implicit qualities to provide us any shelter in the midst of the storms we seek to escape. The so-called gift of awareness is in fact a double edged sword as whilst it promises growth and progress, this comes at a price. It will doubtless get cold and uncomfortable as we emerge from those familiar hiding places, our well developed habits, distractions and obsessions along the path of freedom from self, and from self constructed fantasies.

We have, for whatever reason, imbued the most inappropriate people, places and things, with apparently magical qualities, hoping they might hold the keys to our happiness when in fact the combination to that particular padlock was to be found only within ourselves. Coming to accept responsibility for our destiny, on a moment to moment basis, is certainly a challenge but one well worth the risk. The first step is to allow our illusions to fall away, in order to see more clearly our resources, and dust each of them off in preparation for the journey we must each go alone.

‘We don't receive wisdom. We must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.’ Marcel Proust

Comments

Table. Apple. Penny.

Whilst there were several places I might have been that morning, I wouldn't have been anywhere else. The practitioner from the Memory Service arrived promptly. I liked her instantly. Mum was nervous. I think I was a little, too. It's been a difficult year. "It's Friday, it's the fourteenth of December and I'm at home..." No problems there. CAMCOG, or the Cambridge Cognitive Examination is a thorough assessment tool used to assess the extent of extent of dementia, and to assess the level of cognitive impairment. The standardised measure assesses orientation, language, memory, praxis, attention, abstract thinking, perception and calculation. "Table. Apple. Penny." Three everyday items that were introduced at one point, and then referred to again later on. Again, Mum was able to recall each. I am reminded that the...

Glass half full? Glass half empty? Or perhaps the glass is broken

I am, constitutionally, a glass half empty gal. I will always first acknowledge what I don't have, what I have lost, and what it is that I am seeking. I tend to overlook my strengths, concentrating only on those bits of me that are underdeveloped or weak. I refer to myself as a realist, but in doing so compliment myself and insult those who genuinely are simply realistic. My modus operandi is to identify what's not working and acknowledge this before seeing more clearly what functions perfectly well. This has its place: I edit others' written work pretty well. My fastidious attention to detail serves me, and the author. Accuracy counts, for me and I have an excellent memory. I can remember a great many of my sessions with clients verbatim. Even this asset is something I can, and do, diminish the true value of, by concentrating on 'I should have said...' or 'why didn't.... occur to me during the session?' Earlier this we...

Pausing in the sunshine

And so, chemo is over. My best friend's diary has been chocker... Line cleans, blood tests, scans and 18 weekly doses of the gruelling treatment itself. Summer seems at last to have arrived and with it, we hope, some time, peace and space. She is, we acknowledged over a rather yummy luncheon served to us beneath the beautiful canopy of creepers and climbers at Petersham Nurseries, an inspiration. A small group of us gathered to celebrate her forthcoming marriage. The sun's rays joined the warmth we all have for this very special woman. Warmth and, in my case at least, pride. It is the greatest privilege to call this woman my best friend. She continues to epitomise my understanding of grace. Our bodies are fragile things. Our minds are frailer still. In her composure and wisdom, she possesses an outlook I can only aspire to adopt. From you, dear Charlotte, I learn and I learn and I learn. The ...

The Reward is the Journey

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