Just occasionally, I nod off. I think we probably all do. I catch myself, and I'm awake once again. From a Buddhist perspective, we spend much of our lifetime sleepwalking. The awakened state is fleeting, and there is somewhat of a cycle as we awaken, and return to our slumbers. Which is not to say that those waking moments are not precious. The life well lived is a series of those moments in which we are fully awake. The more of these we can string together, the better. Noticing when we've drifted off is the starting point.
Discussing the development and sustaining of my practice recently, a further parallel between this and recovery generally dawned on me. Just as with my practice, I maintain close proximity to my recovery program, whatever the weather. Good days and bad days. I practice, meditation and I practice, my program. These are non negotiables. Just like brushing my teeth, really.
I am a creature of habit, and thrive best in a routine. I have developed my routine, and adapted it along the way, tweaking it to accommodate new inclusions and dropping others. Sticking to structure is not always easy. There are temptations and distractions aplenty. Discipline is a daily practice. And it starts with my intention.
Just as at the beginning of a meeting, there is usually a moment of silence, a space in which we can reconnect with the reasons that brought us into the room in the first place, I find myself reconnecting with the purpose behind my practice. Why am I here? Why do I do this?
Re-connecting with my intention gives me an opportunity to renew it. There is no coincidence I find myself engaged with a meditation practice, just like I didn't get into recovery by accident. I'm not engaged in an intellectual exercise, enquiry or experiment; I'm here because I need to be. For me, my meditation has become a part of my recovery. The two are bound and reinforce one another. But each require my time, energy and attention.
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