You say it best...

...When you say nothing at all?

 

Disclosure in the therapy room is a contentious subject, but perhaps one that is not explored as readily as it could be.  I am under no illusion as to the existence of a peculiar power dynamic in the therapy room, and do not seek to deny it, either inside or outside of the room.  Revelations I make about myself, my experiences, and my opinions can have a significant bearing on the individual relationships I have with my clients.  But the impact of my silence should not, I feel, be overlooked or underestimated. 

 

It would be all too easy, perhaps, to remain an empty vessel, or a blank canvas.  To make 'therapist style' noises, at appropriate moments, and engage the full range of active listening skills.  It wouldn't necessarily make me very useful.  I'm not convinced this would establish terribly productive therapeutic relationships, capable of catalysing meaningful change. 

 

As someone with a bit of experience under my belt, I can recognise changes within myself and therefore within my practice.  I take risks today I could not have dreamt of in my early days.  I have a certain confidence born of experience.  I am able to gauge where a relationship is at, and respond accordingly.  Naturally enough, I don't always get it right. 

 

But I do feel passionately that I am anything but an empty vessel, sitting there listening.  I seek to engage with each and every one of my clients.  I care about them.  And about what they tell me.  I am invested in the relationships we together build, as these are the vehicles of real change.  It is my understanding and belief, that the work can only happen when we truly encounter one another. 

 

I am a therapist.  I am also a human being.  Complete with cognitions, and emotions.  Unable and unwilling to separate my humanity, or leave parts of myself outside the therapy room, in order to remain authentic, coherent and whole, it is my responsibility to speak frankly, both in my work and beyond. 

 

 

"Self-revelation is not an option; it is inevitability."

Aron, L. (1991), The patient's experience of the analyst's subjectivity. Psychoanal. Dialogues, 1:29-51.

 

 

There is, of course, a balance to be struck.  Isn't there always?  There is cutting to the chase, and there is simply cutting, and hurting.  I seek to cut to the chase, without being abrasive.  It is possible to be direct, without being callous.  There are many circumstances in which it is my duty to become more directive than I could have thought possible when I was first introduced to the theory underlying basic counselling skills. 

 

I am willing to share my experience in and out of the therapy room.  I am a straight talking shrink who doesn't shrink away from the awkward or the challenging.  It's not so much about being cruel to be kind, I simply believe my clients are worthy and deserving of honesty.  Therapy is about so much more than peeling the layers of an onion.  It's a precious forum in which things need not be dressed up, or skirted around.  Things aren't always pretty and therapy isn't always neat, or tidy.  Who would I be kidding if I were to try and deny this?  And in whose service would that ever be? 

 

"Through my self-disclosure, I let the other know my soul. They can know it, really know it, only as I make it known.  In fact, I am beginning to suspect that I can't even know my own soul except as I disclose it.  I suspect that I will know myself 'for real' at the exact moment that I have succeeded in making it known through my disclosure to another person."

from The Many Me's of the Self-Monitor, by Sidney Jourard.