Right here. Right now

I've seen quite a few movies recently.  It was the BFI Film Festival which prompted more cinema trips than usual, and most recently, I enjoyed the return of 007 in Skyfall at the largest screen in Britain - the Odeon IMAX at Waterloo.  Life has felt a little like a movie recently, in that much of it seems far fetched, and removed from my usual and everyday experience.  As ever, there is plenty going on, but little that I feel I am the Director or Producer of.  I'm not familiar with this script, and the set is a largely unknown environment.  But I am in good company.  I am surrounded by friends.  And I am feeling held. 

 

Today, it's okay for me not to know.  I have learnt to trust the process.  To trust, firstly, that there is a process and that it's unfolding.  I need not seek to control it.  All is well.  And all will be well.  What will be, will be.  And so it is...  Just for today, everything is just fine.  It's far from perfect.  But then that probably wouldn't feel comfortable either.  I am where I am.  And I'm alright with that.  I am venturing into new territory, and it's first things first.  I need to find my feet, and get my bearings.  I need to ask for help.  And there's plenty available.  And it's forthcoming.  All that I have learnt has brought me to this point, and I need to continue to apply what has got me thus far. 

 

To practice these principles in all our affairs...  Recovery is a journey, not a destination.  And I have a great deal further to travel.  Today, the prospect of that path feels exciting. 

 

A week ago I felt nervous.  I was consumed with free-floating anxiety, anticipating a weekend workshop I was delivering.  I needn't have worried.  By all accounts, of those who attended, it went swimmingly.  But, it was an unknown.  And, as such, it was outside of my comfort zone.  Funnily enough, presenting to dear friends, was both a pleasurable and daunting task.  Striking the balance was the name of the game, and I think I played a good enough hand.  Together, we explored the territory of mindfulness meditation, and practised intensively in one another's company.  It was a rich, and nourishing weekend.  Of which I reaped the benefits.  These days I seek to love my work rather than live it.  But there again, it's progress not perfection.