Skip to main content

Right here. Right now

I've seen quite a few movies recently.  It was the BFI Film Festival which prompted more cinema trips than usual, and most recently, I enjoyed the return of 007 in Skyfall at the largest screen in Britain - the Odeon IMAX at Waterloo.  Life has felt a little like a movie recently, in that much of it seems far fetched, and removed from my usual and everyday experience.  As ever, there is plenty going on, but little that I feel I am the Director or Producer of.  I'm not familiar with this script, and the set is a largely unknown environment.  But I am in good company.  I am surrounded by friends.  And I am feeling held. 
 
Today, it's okay for me not to know.  I have learnt to trust the process.  To trust, firstly, that there is a process and that it's unfolding.  I need not seek to control it.  All is well.  And all will be well.  What will be, will be.  And so it is...  Just for today, everything is just fine.  It's far from perfect.  But then that probably wouldn't feel comfortable either.  I am where I am.  And I'm alright with that.  I am venturing into new territory, and it's first things first.  I need to find my feet, and get my bearings.  I need to ask for help.  And there's plenty available.  And it's forthcoming.  All that I have learnt has brought me to this point, and I need to continue to apply what has got me thus far. 
 
To practice these principles in all our affairs...  Recovery is a journey, not a destination.  And I have a great deal further to travel.  Today, the prospect of that path feels exciting. 
 
A week ago I felt nervous.  I was consumed with free-floating anxiety, anticipating a weekend workshop I was delivering.  I needn't have worried.  By all accounts, of those who attended, it went swimmingly.  But, it was an unknown.  And, as such, it was outside of my comfort zone.  Funnily enough, presenting to dear friends, was both a pleasurable and daunting task.  Striking the balance was the name of the game, and I think I played a good enough hand.  Together, we explored the territory of mindfulness meditation, and practised intensively in one another's company.  It was a rich, and nourishing weekend.  Of which I reaped the benefits.  These days I seek to love my work rather than live it.  But there again, it's progress not perfection. 


 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Table. Apple. Penny.

Whilst there were several places I might have been that morning, I wouldn't have been anywhere else.  The practitioner from the Memory Service arrived promptly.  I liked her instantly.    Mum was nervous.  I think I was a little, too.  It's been a difficult year.   "It's Friday, it's the fourteenth of December and I'm at home..."   No problems there.  CAMCOG, or the Cambridge Cognitive Examination is a thorough assessment tool used to assess the extent of extent of dementia, and to assess the level of cognitive impairment.  The standardised  measure assesses orientation, language, memory, praxis, attention, abstract thinking, perception and calculation.    "Table.  Apple.  Penny."   Three everyday items that were introduced at one point, and then referred to again later on.  Again, Mum was able to recall each.      I am reminded that the...
Post a Comment
Read more

Glass half full? Glass half empty? Or perhaps the glass is broken

I am, constitutionally, a glass half empty gal.  I will always first acknowledge what I don't have, what I have lost, and what it is that I am seeking.  I tend to overlook my strengths, concentrating only on those bits of me that are underdeveloped or weak.  I refer to myself as a realist, but in doing so compliment myself and insult those who genuinely are simply realistic.  My modus operandi is to identify what's not working and acknowledge this before seeing more clearly what functions perfectly well.  This has its place: I edit others' written work pretty well.  My fastidious attention to detail serves me, and the author.  Accuracy counts, for me and I have an excellent memory.  I can remember a great many of my sessions with clients verbatim.  Even this asset is something I can, and do, diminish the true value of, by concentrating on 'I should have said...' or 'why didn't....  occur to me during the session?' Earlier this we...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pausing in the sunshine

And so, chemo is over.  My best friend's diary has been chocker...  Line cleans, blood tests, scans and 18 weekly doses of the gruelling treatment itself.  Summer seems at last to have arrived and with it, we hope, some time, peace and space. She is, we acknowledged over a rather yummy luncheon served to us beneath the beautiful canopy of creepers and climbers at Petersham Nurseries, an inspiration. A small group of us gathered to celebrate her forthcoming marriage.  The sun's rays joined the warmth we all have for this very special woman.  Warmth and, in my case at least, pride. It is the greatest privilege to call this woman my best friend.  She continues to epitomise my understanding of grace.  Our bodies are fragile things.  Our minds are frailer still.  In her composure and wisdom, she possesses an outlook I can only aspire to adopt.  From you, dear Charlotte, I learn and I learn and I learn.   The ...
Post a Comment
Read more