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Suit you, Sir!

Three times in less than thirty minutes is something of a record for me...

As I walked into the restaurant I was greeted in a very familiar, but inappropriate manner.

Secondly, as I was invited to place my order.

And the irresistible hat-trick as I left.  

In English, we are required to go out of our way to specify the gender of the person to whom we are talking. And yet it happens when least expected, and completely unnecessary.  Effective communication does not require us to assume gender.  It is utterly superfluous and, as I was reminded so powerfully by this brief visit to a local restaurant, a road full of deep potholes.  

The way I think and feel about my gender today is something of a work in progress.  I think it probably always will be.  As I live, I learn.  As I continue to reflect on gender, the less I think I know.  The more I might come to understand...  In the meantime, whilst thought provoking, and particularly to me as a therapist with a keen interest in and commitment to working with the rainbow that is gender and sexual diversity, this encounter has not left much of a scar.  

Were I questioning or querying my gender, this might have been the last thing I needed after a long day at work.  As a rule of thumb; if in doubt, leave it out.  Assumptions are to be avoided wherever possible, and in this case there is no logical case for gender-isation.  Mis-gendering and mis-pronouning can destroy someone's day and make your interaction with them memorable for all the wrong reasons.  Those who are seeking to pass, and are then addressed incorrectly will likely be devastated.  The rest of us could probably simply do without the cognitive detour.  







Courtesy of the utterly brilliant Tumblr: http://transitiveproperties.tumblr.com/


The fabulous Kate Bornstein: http://katebornstein.typepad.com/


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