Saying goodbye is, I have learnt, not an event but a process. It cannot be rushed, and happens in a timescale that cannot be controlled. We let go of anything, only when we are entirely ready. Saying goodbye is no different.
I have, I realise, been saying goodbye in waves. I have gone through several important phases: each of them non negotiable. Indescribable, intangible, every one has been inescapable. I have endured the sense of loss imprinted on me, in a way I see now I carry far more easily.
Until we are able to wear our loss, we are incapable of shedding it. We shed loss only when we are ready to be without it. By which time it has carried us, and transformed us. We are ready to move forward. We may, once again, live on.
You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.