The Reward is the Journey

Returning to the once familiar surroundings of school evokes a strange mixture of feelings.  Memories of halcyon days, formative experiences and influential characters who have, undoubtedly, shaped my own.  I am left wondering, who is it that we 'reunite' with at a reunion?  Perhaps it is more about reuniting with parts of ourselves that may have been left behind in the environs of old than with those we shared them. Wandering without aim around the streets where I had some of my earliest retail relationships, remembering the easily forgotten and noticing how much things have changed was illuminating on different levels.  Change is inevitable and yet, when returning to school, one could be forgiven for feeling that it shouldn't.  School was once a constant, as we were confronted by a panoply of change.  It stood for constancy.  Term after term, time seemed to stand still.  Until we left. Parts of the fabric of the school seemed to have changed...

Having enjoyed 'Flawless: Chase the Dream' tour I find myself reflecting on the amazing capability of the human body.  Incredible to think that we share the same skeleton as such amazing artists whose moves truly defy gravity and are a testament to strength and flexibility.  Their work is truly inspirational, and the show absolutely captivating. Britain really does have talent and groups like Flawless prove it.  Their commitment and dedication are obvious; their passion intense.  I wonder what the dynamics backstage look like, and how they have adapted to their sudden celebrity status, and all that entails. Not for everyone, perhaps but certainly worth a look.  Streetdance is a different form of live entertainment, and the audience had high expectations.  There can be no doubt that the genre is fun, a real feast for the eyes, but I found there was another very important dimension to the show:  heart. With my foot tapping, and my hea...

Hearing the words "due to a person under a train" inspires a range of emotions with which I would not usually choose to connect during rush hour in London.  I heard this announcement most recently this morning, when passengers were being forewarned of delays and possible interruptions to the service. The London Underground or 'tube' network serves 270 stations and spans over 250 miles (making it the second longest, after Shanghai).  It carries over a billion passengers a year (making it the third busiest metro system in Europe after Moscow and Paris), and has statistically low accident rates, with one fatal accident for every 300 million journeys taken around the Capital.  I must concede to feeling somewhat surprised, and even a little perturbed by the outward reactions of my fellow journey-makers on hearing this announcement.  I attempted to rationalise this, wondering whether perhaps the majority were otherwise engaged, tuned into their iPods, or ...

"You cannot belong to anyone else, until you belong to yourself."   Pearl Bailey I have been thinking a lot about identity recently, and about how this not-so-small issue so frequently underlies our distress and may lead to the struggles which result in addictive or compulsive behaviours.  When I first started formally considering social psychology, I remember being asked to consider our need to belong which was familiar to me having spent some time wondering about this from a rather detached philosophical position.  Fiske (2004) unequivocally emphasised our need to belong, stating that 'Belongingness' is the human emotional need to be an accepted member of a group.  Whether it is family, friends, co-workers, or a sports team, humans have an inherent desire to belong and be an important part of something greater than themselves.   The motive to belong is the need for "strong, stable relationships with other people."   This implies a r...

Having something taken from your possession is a horrible feeling.  The powerlessness and lack of control that it evokes are truly devastating.  I experienced this recently when I was burgled, and my bicycle stolen from my hallway.  I loved that bike.  I had only had it a few months and never thought to lock it whilst it was hanging on its rack in the hall.  Having lost a bike, and experienced the volcano of emotions in the wake of the realisation that I may never see it again, I am still a long way off being able to truly appreciate what it is that the friends and families who are left behind when someone disappears go through. I have recently spent quite a bit of time considering these experiences, and the implications of them for those who lose someone they care about.  My loss whilst sad, and confusing is incomparable to the existential dilemma faced by anyone who has experienced the issue of missing.  Having no clue where their loved one i...

I have known for a long time that swimming is good for me, but it was not until recently that I began to think about how, exactly, it helps. Swimming is undoubtedly a great form of exercise with benefits for the cardio vascular system, respiratory system and and the nervous system.  The way in which swimming works is partly connected to the fact that, whilst in water, we can move every part of our body.  The nervous system calms down in a way it is unlikely to do much when not immersed as our sense organs and nervous system begin to operate in a more integrated way.  We literally bring our internals into 'sync' and are thus better able to 'flow'. People often talk about feeling a “calming down” in the shower, or after a swim - this is due to our nervous system resting, and getting some much needed time out.  There are several states that have been observed in regular swimmers, thought to be pursuant to the “calming down” feeling after the swimming inc...

"Change is inevitable.  Except from a vending machine."   (Robert C. Gallagher) Endings are sometimes more important than beginnings.  Endings may also be beginnings in disguise in the unending cycle that is life.  Many of us struggle with endings.  We may have had negative experiences, traumatic endings.  Abrupt, unforeseen, unexpected and unwanted endings.  Endings may prompt an escape reflex.  Some of us have a history in which endings have been so appalling that it might seem easier to run, avoid or sabotage in order to avoid a formal, acknowledged, honoured ending. The end of therapy presents an enormous challenge.  It can often be around for a long time before it actually occurs, and the process, if allowed to unfold, can be profound and significant.  Within it lies the potential for a reparative experience; something new and different, but there is a risk to be taken. Within my approach around endings ...

“To acquire balance means to achieve that happy medium between the minimum and the maximum that represents your optimum.  The minimum is the least you can get by with.  The maximum is the most you're capable of.  The optimum is the amount or degree of anything that is most favorable toward the ends you desire.”   Nido Qubein, PhD. Over the past few days I have spent time considering the importance of achieving a balance between nourishing and depleting activities.  At a surface level this concept looks simple - a straightforward equation of energy.  Thinking in some more depth however, it strikes me as at the heart of recovery and the promotion of wellbeing more generally.  How is it that we fill our daily lives?  What is it that happens between when we wake, and return to sleep at night?  What we actually do with our time, from moment to moment, hour to hour, from one year to the next can very powerfully influence our physical and p...

"Everybody, sooner or later, must sit down to a banquet of consequences."   Robert Louis Stevenson I was thinking today about individuals' relationship to instant gratification and the idea of having what we want right now, in spite of known and likely consequences.    I am interested in a possible link between those children for whom visiting the dentist to discover that they need yet another filling is commonplace and adults who later develop addictive behaviours.  I wonder whether a child's dental care might be an accurate predictor of their later relationship to themselves, and their bodies, as sites of abuse - prioritising what they want, in the face of acknowledged damage they are likely to inflict on themselves as a result.

"People don't notice whether it's winter or summer when they're happy."   Anton Chekhov I've noticed a correlation between sunshine and attendance.  As the sun comes out, clients are less likely to show for appointments.  Throw in a few (well, more than a few) Bank Holidays, and my diary starts to look more than a little confused.  I find myself sitting alone, facing an empty chair, wondering about what might have been in the session which doesn't happen, and reflecting on the possible meanings behind my client's absence.  The impact of the sunshine on individuals' mood is well documented, and presenting for therapy might well seem like an unwelcome chore.   Coming in to the therapy room perhaps feels inconvenient, or worse still it could represent a threat, as though it might negatively effect the lightened frame of mind and sunny disposition from which everything suddenly seems better, and life just that little bit easier. ...

"If you want to learn to swim jump into the water.  On dry land no frame of mind is ever going to help you."   Bruce Lee (Actor, Martial Arts Instructor and Philosopher 1940-73) As a keen swimmer I recently decided to have a lesson.  It's been some time since I focused on my technique, and habits that are not necessarily helpful tend to develop if left unattended for a while.  I am interested in how we learn, and how our approach to learning changes as we grow.  Children have less ingrained ways of thinking and doing, and there is considerably less to un-learn, by virtue of the fact that I have had less time on the planet.  As an adult, and someone who has remained close to education throughout my life, I enjoy surrounding myself with individuals who boast more experience than I do, and acknowledging that I am wise enough to know that I am not very wise. The same is equally true in the pool.  My swimming technique, whilst strong, is largely self taug...

"If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!"   Peter Pan Although I have read it before, this excerpt stirred me when I came across it recently: "Being a teenager is vastly overrated. We all make mistakes, we are stubborn and we couldn't give two shits what our parents think, we hate school, we cause shit, we fight, we love, we cry, we give up on believing in a higher power. We're all fucked up and that's the truth, we all come from dysfunctional families, because no family is perfect; we say things that we don't mean, we yell, we scream, we get broken hearts, we get drunk, we have sex. Grades don't mean a thing anymore, we live on quotes and music that describe our lives and most importantly we are tired. We are tired of waking up each morning and having to go to school where we see the people we hate or the people we love, we get tired of waiting for the text me...

"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul."   Samuel Ullman Walking down the High Street always provides entertainment - cognitive if not always comic.  On a recent amble something caught my eye, as I saw a rather aggressive mother pushing her super smart buggy (is that the correct term, and what is the difference between a buggy, and a push chair, and does anyone have a pram these days?) complete with very happy looking child on board, overtaking someone with more wisdom and experience who was pushing her own four wheeled apparatus, in the form of a shopping trolley.  Within this quite ordinary, and in many ways quite unremarkable scene, there was so much - about life, and our passage through it.  The young mother, busily going about her day - cramming in the shopping, having fed her infant, w...

The metaphors are plentiful, the research provides confirmation.  I am renown for 'prescribing' exercise.  Anything will do, time spent outside of one's head (as opposed to off it) is valuable to anyone - especially those in recovery.  Getting clean at this time of year has its challenges (it's hard to walk down a street without people drinking on the pavement or in the park) but so too does it have advantages - you can build time spent outdoors into your recovery regimen.  "Lack of activity destroys the good condition of every human being, while movement and methodical physical exercise save it and preserve it."   Plato There is an old expression containing a long accepted truth - 'when I got busy, I got better' .  The most challenging question I ask anyone during an assessment is why they want their recovery.  There is no doubt in my mind that they are deserving of it, but both they and I need more than this: they need a purpose.  Without purp...

Downs' apparently simple definitions seem to make a lot of sense:  Passion as the repeated experience of joy in an activity.  Love as the repeated experience of joy in another.*  Passion and love are both meta emotions, or emotions that are only felt after the observation of other emotions over time.  In this sense both require a degree of skill in the act of mindful noticing, for unless acknowledged, the joy which leads to either has a tendency to be fleeting and forgotten. What drives joy is quite different to what drives validation and existences based on the pursuit of validation will quite display an absence of joy, and therefore lack passion two determinants of depression.  Joy is generated and experienced internally; validation by definition seeks external approval and is therefore a public affair.  Joy in contrast, is inherently private:  people find passion for activities which they undertake and experience joy, rath...

"It is one thing to photograph people.  It is another to cause others to care for them by revealing the core of their humanness."   Paul Strand (American photographer 1890-1976) The World Press Photo exhibition made for hard, thought provoking, gratitude enhancing viewing.  As I walked between the photographs I became aware of the parallel exhibition - that of the reactions displayed in the faces and bodies of my fellow spectators.  Between us there was a silent encounter in which so much was communicated non verbally.  The security of knowing that we had our homes and families awaiting our return, and that we could, at any moment, close our eyes, and be removed from the challenging reality the images presented us with. "Photography records the gamut of feelings written on the human face, the beauty of the earth and skies that man has inherited and the wealth and confusion man has created.  It is a major force in explaining man to man." Edward Steichen ...

"Let your tears come.  Let them water your soul."   Eileen Mayhew It's not unusual for me to witness the tears of more than one person in a day.  There have been lots of tears shed this week.  At different times, and for different reasons.  Sharing in another's emotions is both a privilege and a responsibility.  Bearing witness to someone's inner world is always humbling. Tears speak things that it may not be able to say in any other way.  They are a visible demonstration and external manifestation of an inner process.  Tears can be cathartic.  For some people, crying is part of their everyday routine.  For others, tears are something to hide and crying something to be done only in private.  For others, tears are a last resort; a final surrender.  Tears can release.  Tears can cleanse. For some, crying is the only way to heal.  We may recall sobbing in the aftermath of temper tantrums, and the enormous...

"Sometimes only one person is missing yet the whole world seems depopulated" Alphonse de Lamartine (1790-1869) Speaking to a mother whose son went missing nearly two decades ago really provided me with a radically different perspective.  How would any of us feel to return home and find that someone we expected to be there, was not there, and left no indication as to their whereabouts?  How long would we wait to report someone missing?  What would we do next?  How long would we hope for their return?  How would we cope when there were no leads, no sightings, nothing for the Police to follow-up?  How would we feel to be told that the case was to be considered inactive? Can we ever imagine the unimaginable?  They say that to truly empathise with another's experience it is necessary to 'walk a mile in their moccasins'.  I am having trouble trying to envisage what this journey might comprise.   "Absence from whom we love is worse th...

"Painting and poetry are like love; an exchange of blood, a passionate embrace, without restraint, without defence.  The picture is born of an overflow of emotions and feelings." Miro, The Farm 'La Masia' (1921-22) I learnt a great deal about Miro on a recent visit to the Tate.  I learnt a great deal about a lot more too. Miro wanted to discover the sources of human feeling.  He described his method of creating poetry by way of painting, using a vocabulary of signs and symbols, metaphors and dream images to express definite themes he believed to be fundamental to human existence.  The exhibition displays his sense of humor and lively wit.  His chief concern was a social one; he wanted to get close to the great masses of humanity, and he was convinced that art can only truly appeal when it resonates with roots of lived experience.  "Wherever you are, you find the sun, a blade of grass, the spirals of the dragonfly.  Courage cons...