The Reward is the Journey

Benign characters are those very special individuals we meet along our way who make sure we get to where we think we’re headed, or point out to us that a different way might in fact be better.   They are the people who ensure that the reward really is the journey. be.nign [bih-nahyn] adjective 1.  having a kindly disposition; gracious: a benign king. 2.  showing or expressive of gentleness or kindness:  a benign smile. 3.  favourable; propitious:  a series of benign omens and configurations in the heavens. 4.  (of weather) salubrious; healthful; pleasant or beneficial. 5.  Pathology : not malignant; self-limiting.  I have been fortunate and feel blessed having come into contact with a great many wise travellers who at critical times have held me, guided me, and supported me in my journey.   Some of them have helped me when I’ve encountered cross roads, and dead ends along the way.   A great many of them have been more i...

If ever I needed a fix of something out of this world it was this week.  I was lucky enough to get tickets at very short notice to see one of Cirque du Soleil's 23 current shows touring the globe: La Nouba.  It exceeded any expectations I might unknowingly have taken with me into the auditorium.  From the opening scene I was gripped.  Sitting on the edge of my seat, motionless, holding my breath watching in awe and amazement the spectacle that I was met by.  The show really was breathtaking.  Watching men fly through the air, between trapeze, and later juggling impossible numbers of different shaped objects, witnessing people jump higher on a trampoline than I thought possible, in order to perform precision flips and twists whilst airborne!  The entertainment is a feast for all with high wires, BMX bikes, Chinese diabolo sequences and skipping ropes used in ways you couldn't imagine without having seen this show.  The stunning choreography...

I heard this recently, and it resonated so I wanted to share it:     Today I will make a difference... I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful.  I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. T oday I will make a difference... I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. ...

Gandhi is said to have said that there are two types of people, those who get on and do what needs to be done, and those who claim the credit for the action.   He apparently went on to say that he’d much rather be amongst the former category, whose membership is far less competitive.   I like to think of myself as a ‘do-er’, and I’m not always that good at taking the credit for things I achieve.   To date, I have failed to attend two of my graduation ceremonies.   At the time, they didn’t feel that important.   Looking back, I think they were probably more important than I realised.   I could, if I wished, probably collect my qualifications retrospectively, but the moment has gone.   I’ve moved on, and into pastures new, and onto new pursuits.   My colleagues have done the same, and I have allowed an opportunity to pass me by – a shared experience was missed.   In other respects, I keep much of my work pretty quiet.   This was...

  I was thinking recently about the passage of time and its momentum.   How long is a minute, or an hour, or a day?   We know these only in relative measurements: a minute as being 60 seconds, an hour being 60 minutes and a day being 24 hours; but what defines time?   We use clocks to tell the time, but we refer to time as ‘flying’ or ‘dragging’, descriptions which are, it would seem, context and emotionally dependent. ‘Time flies when you’re having fun’ is a commonly used expression the meaning of which we’ve come to comprehend, but underlying it is a sense of our grasping on to having things the way we would like them.   When we’re enjoying something, we want it to last longer, if not forever.   Working with individuals who have experienced depression, I am regularly reminded of our attachment to good moods and mind states.   Perhaps our trouble is not our natural and inevitable mood fluctuation, but our desire that things be other than they are,...

Someone asked me what qualities I thought a therapist ought to possess.  At the time, the question took me by surprise as I wasn't expecting it.  Having had some time to reflect I began to think back to the first few years of my training, and of Rogers' core conditions:  unconditional positive regard, empathy and congruence.  These are all clearly important, but I'm not sure they comprise exactly what the individual who asked me would be looking to discover. There are many things that I have learnt about therapy that I will almost certainly never find in a textbook.  These include the subtle, but significant difference between empathy and sensitivity, and the miles between listening and hearing.  As a therapist, I believe that pragmatism is practically essential, and that I wouldn't get very far were it not for a healthy dose of humility that I embody in the room with my clients.  The temperature at which I meet a f...

I paused for a moment to consider what on earth the phrase meant...  I struck a blank. I don't have children myself, but understand that parents most likely to breathe a sigh of relief to have their offspring described in these terms.  What is it that we are expected to adjust to?   What do we become when we adjust? Phrases such as this intrigue and irritate me in equal measure.  So frequently used in common parlance, their true meaning becomes so obscure that it would be easy to slide over its usage and fail to consider the implications. So, what becomes of those of us who might never be esteemed in this way? Do we have any choice, but to adjust, and to do so well? My inner rebel is shrieking, and then placidly sighing.  This adjective carries with it connotations of compliance for, to adjust, one must be doing so in relation to some standard or expectation, the achievement of which would therefore render one free of any symptom which would indicate s...

"When you stop existing and you start truly living, each moment of the day comes alive with the wonder and synchronicity."   Steve Maraboli (Speaker, Author, Philanthropist)   Much of my life has been about saying 'yes'.  Recently, I've been reminded of this in different ways.  Telling my story, or running through my CV illustrates this, but so too do those little things that could, quite easily, simply pass me by were I not to notice them.  By bringing awareness to those precious moments, those chance encounters, the things that turn the corners of my mouth into a smile, I remember how everything I do is all part of a bigger picture, the composition of which I have yet to know.  The other day I struck up a conversation with someone who works in an independent business in my neighbourhood.  I have just gone in for what I wanted, and walked out when I had it, but something prompted me to speak to the lady who served me, and what a profitable conversat...

Spending extended periods in silence, gives rise to different things.   There is something rather special about coming into silence, particularly whilst remaining around other people, sharing a silence, and the commitment thereto.   For me, it can often also serve as a reminder of the noise in my mind, the crashing and banging as my crowded thoughts jostle for space and priority.   Slowing down, and consciously attempting to bring stillness within can often have the opposite effect, at least for a period, and I have been reminded over the past few days of the importance of welcoming whatever it is that I happen to come across in my endeavours.  

Joining a group, whose membership comprises great variety in terms of background and experience, from all over the world, is a joy and a privilege.   The compassion with which we meet one another is, for me, never more apparent than in the laughter we share as we acknowledge our struggles, and foibles as human beings.   Whilst we are all striving, and ‘doing’, as we share our experiences I am both humbled and reminded that we are, before anything else, ‘being’ to the best of our ability.   Alongside the humour is a profound reminder that we identify with one another, which shatters any illusion of isolation that can sometimes develop when we practice on our own.   I am reminded of the added value of group, and community experience, and feel comforted to have literally ‘re-connected’ in this way.   Our days are largely, but not exclusively silent, and are punctuated by themselves beautiful moments which, to my mind, exemplify as much as the formal practice, our ...

I spend much, if not most, of many of my days sitting.   Added to this, I tend to sit on the same chairs, in the same rooms.   Sitting has become something I do so often that it has probably become largely automatic.   Being invited to come to sit carries with it a novelty, and a spaciousness into which I can bring both embodied intention and intentional embodiment.  

Surrounded by other practitioners, on a retreat I know I am not alone in entering this spirit of inquiry which, paradoxically, makes it more comfortable to be with myself, and my experience and thereby facilitates the emergence of answers which may well be more authentic than those I could conceive of using my more readily accessible intellectual and conceptual mind that is somehow on-line much of the time and often in the foreground.  Hello me.  Hello world.  Returning somewhere I've not yet been to There is something extraordinary and almost mystical about the power of the experiential.   Whilst the practices are familiar, I can, by making a conscious choice, give myself a new, fresh and different experience, quite unlike anything that I have ever encountered previously.   This time, this practice, this moment and this breath are themselves unique and impossible to replicate.

Being on retreat is a little like entering a bubble.   I find it helpful to remind myself that the contents of the bubble are a matter of choice, and I have the ability to decide what it is that I surround myself with.   As humans, we have evolved wonderful minds with great capacity to do all kinds of things.   This is a great thing, and a terrible thing.   Whilst we have developed an ability to thrive, we are also the architects of some of our most awful suffering.   Within the context of a retreat, I am more open and receptive to the invitation to come into the now.   I can put my diary, and tendency to plan ahead aside for a few days, and bathe in the fact that I have all I need for the day ahead, something which is profoundly reassuring and nurturing in and of itself.   I can trust that my needs will be met, and that I will most likely be better attuned to them than I would were I rushing around, imagining that I’m doing everything most efficiently...

As a mindfulness teacher I remain an eternal student, for we never ‘arrive’ at enlightenment, though we may continually pursue a deeper and richer practice.   Going on retreat is a tremendously rewarding way to do this, entering an environment dedicated to rigorous practice and lively learning.   For me, there is something particularly special about a residential, arriving somewhere in which there is literally nowhere to go, and nothing to do, beyond entering into a different mode, with a deliberate shift of gears, mental and physical.    A week long retreat is somewhat of a luxury, as well as a challenge, and requires a degree of preparation and subsequent ‘arrival’.   The first day is an opportunity to do just this, and having travelled to somewhere new and unknown and be in the company of a group made up of likeminded, though unknown fellow travellers, there is much excitement, and curiosity, and a feast for the mind as it goes about its usual business of...

A recent trip to the pool reminded me of the importance of tolerance, letting go and acceptance.  Just as there are different ways people 'do' their recovery, people have different ways to enjoy the water.  Mine happens to be swimming.  Up and down, ideally with a lane to myself.  Others prefer to jump and jive about in the water.  Aqua is a keep-fit class that takes place from time to time in the pool I like to swim at.  It's not for me to judge what goes on in the lane beside me (or, as is more usually the case, the greater part of the pool that gets reserved for the class).  Continuing to swim amidst the ripples and waves that their athletic aquatics create is a challenge, but one that is made all the easier when I keep the focus on myself and my breath, and remember that swimming, like recovery, is better when I'm kind to myself and to others.  Time passes more quickly, and I get much more done.  The 'ri...

Nearly six months ago I finally approached my GP about my knee.  It had been bothering me for some time, and didn't seem to be getting any better of my own accord.  I'm no longer in any pain, but it's still a little troublesome from time to time, and I have had to make several small lifestyle adjustments because of it.  Having attended my first outpatients appointment, during which x rays were taken and reviewed, I recently returned to hospital for an MRI scan.  The imaging suite's newly installed Siemens Magnetom was awesome and the respect with which I was treated and care I was given left a lasting impression.  The appointment was a humbling reminder of something I have perhaps, as someone fortunate enough to have had pretty good physical health, taken for granted.  The NHS is, in my opinion, an incredible resource.  During my appointment it dawned on me that I had access to state of the art science delivered with first class service.  Whe...

" Our past is like a footprint. It only confirms we were there. No burden on our future does it bear."  Jeb Dickerson It struck me recently that we are all of us more than our pasts.  We are not who we have been, or where we've been and we are certainly not the things that we have experienced.  All of these are perhaps aspects of ourselves today, and that is precisely the point, for I believe very strongly that we are ever evolving, and constantly in flux, changing and growing.  That's partly why I do the work I do - in the belief that we have the potential for infinite change.  Our possibilities are limitless.  We are, I think, both where we've been and what we've seen, and where we're headed and what we want to see on the journey in front of us.  Whenever somebody reaches out and comes to a first appointment, it feels important to spend as much time exploring what's happened so far, as what they'd like to happen next.  We are nothing if we ...

Shrek the Musical didn't quite live up to the over promoted expectations that had been created; Betwixt far exceeded anything I could imagine and my toes are still tapping from Fela! For me, simply living in London is reason enough to prioritise getting to the theatre; it's on my door step, and I try to keep my finger on the pulse when it comes to what's on. Recently, I've been to more musicals than usual and experienced three very different shows, each of which have left a lasting impression. "I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being."   Oscar Wilde I had not previously encountered the swamp dwelling green ogre, and whilst designed with a younger rather theatre-goer in mind, the audience were certainly entertained by the thoroughly original (albeit, not for me, something I'd queue to see again) story which, from my perspec...

One could be forgiven for wondering what month we are in. It is still August (just) but the weather has been decidedly unstable of late, and I have had several unplanned swims (whilst on two wheels) this week.  This afternoon provided some welcome respite, although time spent on the tennis court was by no means guaranteed. Better still, I swam outdoors today - it was somewhat bracing, but terrifically exhilarating. Whilst still in a swimming pool, I believe I can identify what it is that open water swimmers get off on. Swimming anywhere you are able to see the sky is a truly magnificent experience. I haven't swum al fresco for a while, and this afternoon was a wonderful reminder of the many happy hours I have spent in swimming pools on holidays in warmer climes. Indoor pools will always occupy a special place in my heart (provided they be a minimum of 25m) but there is nothing quite like the liberation to be felt whilst recreating in a lido. The weather and temperature may s...