The Reward is the Journey

How we work is, I am regularly reminded, a crucial component of the satisfaction we derive from our occupation.  Whilst it has been a while since I was office based, hot-desking is a reality for many that I am well familiar with. As is the heat it seems to generate...  The number of office environments that now feature some version of hot-desking is ever increasing, alongside escalating rental values for commercial property.   What I am struck by is the impact that is, perhaps, less well planned that the layout constellation of the office furniture.  Each week I hear tales which highlight to me the angst experienced by individuals for whom the desking arrangements have simply become too hot. In a world where we face a great many unknowns each and every hour, I wonder whether the additional stress caused by not knowing on arrival at your place of work where it is that you will be sitting is, at some level, counter productive for most office workers. ...

...(for me) is being out and about on two wheels.  In the sunshine. And today was that day.  It has been a while.  And all the while my bicycle has been standing there looking rather sorry for itself in the hallway.  Waiting. I have come up with every excuse in the book... Too cold.  Too wet.  Too far.  Too much to carry.  Too complicated. It's all too easy to overcomplicate things and if the last year has taught me anything, it's taught me that de-cluttering is a priority.  Only in this way can I remind myself what's most important to me.  And act accordingly. Getting that right, and feeling it to be so, is pure exhilaration. 

It has been a very strange year.  Everything has changed.  Keeping up with the changes was the challenge.  And, somehow, I feel I managed that.   There is something about the work I do and the way I approach it that means I am constantly reminded of the inevitability of change.  I have the privilege of being able to watch people change before my very eyes.   Sometimes I see the changes before they do.  Which is a second privilege:  I get to share this with them by reflecting what I see. The last year has enabled me to see very clearly this process working in reverse.  Those around me have gently reflected back to me all that has gone on and the height of the hurdles I have encountered along the way.   We needed to move quickly.  There wasn't much space at that point to take time to reflect:  we were in it and that was exactly where we needed to be.  Now there really is no rush:  all is exactly as ...

I find Attachment Theory a helpful lens through which to look.  This is, after all, where we begin and the point from which our stories are developed.   Attachment comes first.  As human beings, it is our primary instinct:  we prioritise it over everything else.  And this is where Bowlby disagreed with Freud... I am, today, less concerned with the intellectual rift between these two mighty influential thinkers and far more interested in thinking with my clients about their attachment styles and how these play out in each and every one of their relationships.    Evolution has not reduced the power of the attachment instinct.  It is hard wired.   An infant has an innate capacity to engage his or her caregivers through a range of behaviours designed to attract and elicit their vital attention.  This is how we boost our chances of survival.   Attachment Theory provides a very comprehensive framework thro...

The swimming lesson I attended this afternoon took me right back to basics, on my back.  In breaking down my 'technique', I was able to feel, immediately, how much more difficult I have been making it for myself.   I swim, firstly, to relax.  This afternoon, I learnt how much tension I take with me into the pool.  I carry it (like most people, I was reassured to be told) in my neck and, as a direct consequence, swimming has become (I now realise) something of a battle, whether I'm swimming on my front, or my back. There is something different about re-learning backstroke:  it highlights the bad habits I have gotten into very clearly.  You cannot help but notice when you're head is submerged, and you're gulping pool water. The mis-alignment is particularly pronounced when you're on your back, meaning that I came away from the 3.5 hour workshop with some key learning points I will be packing to take with me down to the pool tomorrow.   ...

Enjoying lunch overlooking the Lido was delicious confirmation that the summer months are on their way. I'm only ever one swim away from a good mood...  Swimming feeds my soul.  I left not only feeling full of the joys of spring (and my halloumi burger), but inspired to take the plunge and return to outdoor swimming after a break that now feels to have been too long.   Even knowing the beautiful azure water, whilst beautiful will be deceptive, I have come to the resolve that I will make it in before the end of March!  

I enjoyed Ruby's new show.  I particularly enjoyed her 'take' on what it is that we are apt to do to ourselves, and how mindfulness represents something of a practical (and cost effective!) remedy - not to the challenge presented by living life on life's terms, but to the additional suffering we cause ourselves through the less helpful habits of mind we are very good at mindlessly repeating over and over again (just in case this time it might turn out different), engraining them ever more deeply.  Her neurochemistry presentation was accessible and fun.  What mindfulness meditation offers us is an opportunity to temper the fight-flight reflex that gets all too often triggered all too easily in the stressful demanding lives and which (because we suffer with the disease of busy) we are none too effective at turning off.  "We are not equipped for this century, it’s too hard, too fast, and too full of fear; we just don’t have the bandwidth. Our brains can’t t...

There is a sudden surreal realisation that life has gone on  with little notice of how your life has been forever altered. John Pete Time moves, and passes.  Things settle, and change.  I feel as though the change has been taking place somewhere deep within me.  I have a shifted outlook.  My reality has altered.  Profoundly.  And with it, my perspective is somehow different. The capacity to grieve is as much a part of us as the capacity to love. These changes are hard to pinpoint.  They are intangible, yet perceptible each and every moment that I choose to 'tune in'.  I have a different 'take' on the loss.  It is somehow no longer so immediate, or raw, yet always close by. Each person's grief journey is as individual as a fingerprint or a snowflake.   Earl Grollman I carry it with me, but have found a way of holding it close without feeling consumed or restricted by it.  Like the many little t...

Our relationships with the work we do are a subject to enter the therapy room with great regularity.  For many of us, how we are doing in our work has a significant bearing on how we are doing overall.  Hardly surprising, given the emphasis placed on work as a facet of our identities and the inescapable fact that, due to the fact we have bills that need paying, most of us tend to spend the majority of our waking hours at our places of work.   I am fascinated by the impact that how we employ our time has on us, and remain committed to exploring ways in which we can reduce stress, promote resilience and enhance creativity.  This deep-seated interest is something I hold as something more than an academic curiosity:  I am constantly thinking about wellbeing as a holistic working concept, and hope to share my observations and learnings as widely as possible, as often as I can.   I do this in my therapy practice, and in my mindfulness consultancy teach...

...finding joy in the ordinary; t aking pleasure in the simple things, like finding myself smiling whilst walking to the underground station. At the beginning of the year, I made a note to myself, to allow myself enough time to walk, when the weather permits, rather than getting the bus.   More often than not, the weather is not so inclement that I cannot walk.  It is just that I tend to leave insufficient time, thus robbing myself of the opportunity to spend 15-20 minutes outdoors before descending onto the Northern line. The walk, whilst not the most interesting, creates a spaciousness.  It is an opportunity to shift gears, and turn my attention inward, to notice where it is that I am at that particular moment.  Taking some time to see the sunshine, and feel the breeze on my face is like a dose of 'contentment'.   There are few people for whom the longer daylight hours do not positively impact.  At this time of year, it is not uncom...

Never before have I pushed the doors to exit the screen with such a sense of deflation.  I was not angry.  I hadn't taken any expectations in with me.  Other than to be entertained. Seems reasonable; given the ticket price.  No one forced me to go.  And fewer still had encouraged me.  But go, I felt I must. So I went.  We couldn't get tickets for the 1:15pm showing at the most local Picturehouse.  So we went a little further afield... ...And took our seats in time for the numerous adverts, and then the trailers for The Duke of Burgundy  (which, now, looks rather interesting), Still Alice (which I've been looking forward to seeing since I first learnt about it) and The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (which will, with that stellar cast, surely be brilliant). Having been reminded that there are membership options more than once, the title and the BBFC's classification finally made an appearance. 'Strong sex and nudity...

Charlotte is preparing for her second round of this second chemo series.  The nausea came, and was contained with super strength antiemetics.  Whilst energy levels and breathlessness serve to remind us of the alien's antics, the schedule permits some important reprieve and I have been delighted to spend some very chilled out time with someone who truly understands the meaning and value of 'rest'.   She remains one of the greatest teachers I've ever had.  And I've had some goodens.  Her humble acceptance of life on life's terms continues to inspire me.  Her humour through it all never ceases to amaze me.  It's contagious and my own life is injected with meaning by her exceptional wisdom, strength and hope.   And then there's her fortitude.  This week's activity schedule included a breathlessness workshop and a session on the turbo trainer...  Charlotte remains an athlete.  She knows her body and she respects her dynamic limi...

Swimming is my medicine.  It's as simple as that.  I got back in the pool following a traumatic incident that sent my body into shock in 2010.  The pool became far more than a body of water:  it was the site of healing at a physical, mental and emotional level. I didn't think about it:  I couldn't.  I just swam.  I wasn't counting laps, or even time; I made my way to the pool and felt my way through the water. Nearly 5 years on, I'm still swimming.  I try to prioritise time spent in the pool.  It is part of my essential maintenance.  Last week I swam three times.  Each swim was different.  No two swims are ever the same but some are more memorable than others.  These days, a great many of my swims are 'good':  they enable me to switch gears, and let go of whatever I might need to. Just occasionally, I get into the pool and, within the first 3 or 4 lengths know it's going to be a 'great' swim.  These...

There is so much that is so wrong about chemo on so many levels. This dawned on me as I sat opposite my best friend, already far more comfortable and better prepared for what was about to happen than I could even pretend to be. I didn't need to:  I was there, but I was nothing more than a welcome addition rather than anything essential to this morning's proceedings... We arrived on time. We were not the first, and the nurse's instructions (not to mention the 'q word', as it was, at that point, fairly quiet) were not without good reason:  in the three and a half hours we spent on the day unit, it progressively filled up. Soon there was not an empty chair in the house, and this was, it was very clear, just a normal day for all concerned.  There is something about this end of medicine that is (from where I was sitting, as undiagnosed but not, I would say, unaffected, observer) strangely comforting. Or at least resilience promoting. Everyone is getting...

I meant it when I said that it was a privilege to be there last night.  It is always a privilege to have an opportunity to share about something that has, for me, not simply been life changing.  I hold mindfulness responsible for saving my life.  On more than one occasion. Cate, the Founder of PUSH, and I had our first conversation about the role of mindfulness at a bootcamp some time back in 2013.  PUSH was not yet conceived of, but several seeds were sown.  The fruits of which are now being devoured by the first participants taking part in the UK's first ever re-bootcamp! Mindfulness has come to feature so prominently in my life:  personally, and professionally.  Not a day goes by that I am not reminded of the importance of my practice, and if life gets in the way of my practice, no matter how briefly, I know I'm in trouble.    There are no dramas or crises of the magnitude that once used to be a regular feature of my s...

We've launched!  It's jolly exciting and the result of no end of hard work by the Team headed up by Cate whose brilliant brainchild PUSH Mind and Body is now up and running.   I was greeted this evening by a group of very tired but nonetheless charming clients who are participating in this week's inaugural re-bootcamp.  It is the first of its kind, and we're kinda proud of the truly holistic USP. PUSH is not your average bootcamp.  Far from it.  The difference is in the attention to detail that has been paid to the recipe which makes, we think, for a great formula.  PUSH combines high intensity training with nutrition, coaching and mindfulness. And that's where I come in...  This evening's talk was an opportunity to share a little about the journey I have been on since learning mindfulness, and subsequently training to become a teacher.   It's a great fit:  mindfulness is on offer in this context, as a sealant of everything e...

It was greenish brown and, whilst definitely not sludge, a little thicker than usual.  Usual being for the last three weeks.  I was delighted to be given a juicer for Christmas and the novelty has yet to wear thin.  But this was a slightly more adventurous concoction than I have been dabbling with to date. Apple juice is a fairly regular occurrence in my kitchen at present.  Apples plus...   Tonight's recipe (never to be repeated, not because I wouldn't want to recreate it identically, but simply because it will never happen) included watercress, spinach, cucumber, grapes, lemon and mint. And it was, even if I do say so myself, rather delicious. If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice. Conan O'Brien Juicing has intrigued me for some time.  I held off and listened intently whilst friends and clients told me of their love affairs with their NutriBullets. I have a crush (no pun intended) on my L'Equip ...

My practice has been both challenging and illuminating of late. It is always a challenge, making a commitment to carve out the time but the old adage still holds weight with me: When you have the time to practice, take five minutes. When you're short of time, take ten! Don't just do something... Sit there. Ho hum. And so, I have been giving more thought for a third and (for now, anyway) final post about goal setting, and how to increase our chances of 'success'... Many of those who approach me to learn mindfulness, come to it having tried a great many other things along the way. Mindfulness has attracted a lot of attention in recent years, especially amongst those of us interested in self, or life, improvement.   My own mindfulness practice has illustrated the paradox:   it's only when we meditate for its own sake, rather than trying to get something from it, that we find the results we're pursuing. Goal setting is something we are en...